Spell Saab

My problem is that I fall in love with words, rather than actions. I fall in love with ideas and thoughts, instead of reality.

It's been the time of the year again, I don't know why I'm feeling this. Another phase, or yet another half-crisis of my life? I'm tired, I'm sick... of thinking, and thinking of so many possibilities. It's as if, I'm fooling myself with a lot of ideas and thoughts that makes me forget about reality. Seriously. I feel helpless, again. For a moment. Must I be feeling this way? But I'm confused, terribly. I don't know the reason behind this. I feel insane. I feel worthless, once again. I feel empty. I feel alone... again.

The question is, "Am I really happy?" In as much as I want to forget, and feel like, I'm happy... I know I am not. Because there will always be something missing. Something's wrong. Something's lacking. I'm incomplete. I feel lonely, I feel sad. I miss the idea of love. :( This feeling sucks, but it's nearly two years, and here I am... still alone. 

I feel like, no one's good enough for me, and that I am not good enough for anyone else. Likewise, still it's the same. I feel, incomplete... for a moment. But I know, I shouldn't make things worse, I shouldn't create a fuss out of it, maybe because it isn't the right time, yet. I just don't know when's the right time. I kinda feel bored, waiting. 

Whenever I try, the ending's always wrong. When will I ever feel right? I'm scared. I got this fear of being hurt. Yet, I can't love freely, and unconditionally. When will I ever learn to let go and embrace reality? This fantasy's killing me. :(