LIKE THE TICKING OF THE CLOCK, TWO HEARTS THAT BEAT AS ONE

June 27, 2011

“Like The Ticking of the Clock, Two Hearts That Beat As One”

Someone is in deep sorrow and despair by now. Like, she doesn’t know what to feel neither act. In all directions all I see and hear is nothing but teardrops. Slowly succumbing my mind, poisoning my entire being, intoxicating a lot of excessive residues that destroys my system. Is her heart breaking into pieces now by the things she just realized then? But yea, I never understand the way it’s done. Love moves in mysterious ways, it’s always so surprising, when love appears over the horizon. (Every time am actually having a hard time understanding and dealing with my feelings, am actually hearing weird songs kept playing on my mind.) Seriously, I don’t know how to describe this feeling of mine. Am I feeling really numb, diverting my emotions into something that would really uplift my and disturb my low spirited day. Because in reality, am in total despair. I may say that am no longer thinking of him, like how we should be like the succeeding days to come. It’s not that, I don’t see myself being with him anymore, it’s just that, I badly need space and time for myself. To grow up, and think over the things that made me hurt. Maybe am right, I am only gonna break break your break break your heart. :’( And am sorry it wasn’t easy when I told you, believe me and never let go. But now am confused, something’s pulling me a joke. I just have to open my heart for him again, with love and affection. I shouldn’t control what I truly feel for him, cause I my self’s making my own dilemma. I know, I just can’t get enough. It’s not that, I don’t find happiness in him anymore, because every time when we’re together, I often forgot about my other liabilities and responsibilities in life. I am just having a hard time now, how to set things right, and live a normal and balanced life again with all the people I love. Because this world doesn’t only revolve around the two of us, we could always be completely happy without the constant physical presence of the other. Because I believe, we both lived a wealthy and a healthy life without each other, after all those eighteen long years of summer in our lives. That’s why, now I know, it’ll be easy, it may be a little harder to let go, but it’ll be easier if we set a distance with each other. (Distance like, we would still get to see each other everyday, but not for a long period of time anymore, because this is what I’ve been asking of him, since then the latter moments of our freshman lives.)

But I promise, I am not gonna give up, I will love you still. Just the same, the same way I first loved you. Just forgive me now, if I am having a hard time listening to what I truly feel these past few days. But one thing still remains the same: My heart, it beats, it beats for only you. ;) Cause you’ll forever be the every beat of my heart, and it’ll just skip a beat, when you’re already gone. I miss the old times, wherein I get to tell you and show you how much I love you, I miss those times when, I sing songs for you, to express how melancholic yet, how tunic and colorful my love for you is. I miss the old times when we just simply seat in front of our computers, talking to each other, over the web. I miss those times, when we talk over the phone about almost everything under the sun, because we just wanted to, and we get to enjoy every single moment of it. I miss those times when you we just simply sit side by side each other, you mixing my Vanilla Caramel from Coffee Indulgence that you used to buy for me. Me, telling you everything, like even the pettiest problems of mine, because I know, you’ll always be there, always ready to give me a hand, and a shoulder to cry on. I miss the old you, the simple you, whom made me fell in love, not because of his random rants and demands from me. But the old you, whom used to take care of me, and make me feel so secured. The old you, whom made me believe that, I am young and innocent still, whom understands me for being so childlike. I miss the old times, when he kisses my on the forehead and held my hands, telling me, how much he loves me, the old times, that when I cry, he’s always there to make me feel warm and wrap me in his arms. I miss the old times that, even though we don’t get to see each other everyday, am a hundred percent assured that he’s the only one for me, because he’s making me feel like, I shouldn’t look for another, that he’s the best guy whom can actually take care of me, and give me the best love I want to receive from someone. Now, I am longing for that someone. And I am missing him more than ever. Now, that we have to set a little distance from each other, that even though we won’t be able to see each other that often anymore, I know I still love you, and that won’t ever change. Cause in my heart the reality is you. I’ll never feel alone in this solitude, because I know; you’ll always be there for me, waiting at the verge of the rope, and am there on the other verge of the road. Let’s just wait for the right time, when we’ll meet again halfway. I promise to hold on, and never let go~ just please, give me that someone back. I miss that someone whom I can actually call my OWN. I can no longer see a trace of his shadow. I actually want him back, and hug him tight, cause I miss his lips, and the way he first kissed me~

I want him to feel and realize that, though we won’t be able to be together for so long anymore, my love for him will never fluctuate, I may get to hid it from him now, but what am asking for now, is just a little time and space. I promise to get back to the old me, when the right time comes. Just please be patient. I’ll always be here, and I’ll never ever leave you hanging. Wishing that this distance won’t make us feel less loved, because all I can give is my real love, immeasurable and never ending~

I love you so much. FOURTEEN- YOU AND ME, ALWAYS AND FOREVER~