It's Gonna Hurt Because It Matters

It's gonna hurt because it matters

"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt-- because it matters."

Lately, I've been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and who I need to become, to become a kind of love I want to be and when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this: Before I die, I want to be somebody's favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain, I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe.

And yes, I've been sounding too dramatic again. It's another rainy night, so pardon that what I'm writing here tonight is something... Something unproductive. Lol. It's actually the other way around. Just got home from my "first blood" school day, a Monday. With the power house cast professors in the field of philosophy. Dr. Aguas for Rationalism, the Venerable Master himself, Dr. Alfredo Co, for Chinese Philosophy and Prof. Dean Michael Anthony Vasco for Philosophy of the Age of Enlightenment. I thought I started the week, insanely. But heck no! It was changed, into something. Something, extraordinary. Something worth-remembering. Although I just had my wallet, broke for paying for the temporary transcript  of records I requested at the Registrar's office, falling in line for years at the Accounting Divison, was legit. And of course, buying that precious book, Dr. Co's requiring us to have. Philosophy of Ancient China, I couldn't just imagine how an extremely "kuripot" person like me, would dare to buy such a book, costing too much. It was somehow painful to my pocket. Same way, I feel for spending a thousand for a book. I'm not that type of person, who would spend a lot of money for books, I know. I love reading books, but I'm already satisfied with downloadable pdf files that I can easily get online, without me paying for anything, or  at least having them mock copied, along the photocopy hubs in Dapitan. I consider RGS, in Asturias, as a home for my mock copied books on philosophy. :) Although, I know it isn't a good practice, but I'm just too thrifty and extra resourceful in making my learning experience worth-while.  No regrets, though. I just don't want to be caught doing this illegal thing.-- soon. 

As of today, I experienced "real" philosophy with the Venerable Master, himself. I was like, thrown into a place where Confucius was recognized. Thus, I know... It's going to be challenging, it's going to be a tough journey, it would hurt.. But it's all worth it. And I'm giving a strong hold to it. Just hoping that things fall to it's right place. I feel extremely excited about this academic year ahead of me. No room for stumbles, all hopes are high. I can do this! :)