Sometimes you have to let things go, not because you're giving up, but because you've realized some things cannot be. I've wished for something, and eventually it turned out really well and true. I never knew things would flow smoothly and come accordingly. I never expected for anything but GOD gave me reasons to prove myself even more. I prayed for it and HE just gave me too much in return. That's why I guess, this is good bye. I should follow what my mind tells me so, and that is to do the right thing, stop messing out with the guys, and focus with my studies again. (I want to bring back my old study habits so that I won't be having a hard time dealing with my grades at the end of every semester) I know I didn't give my best shot this this time, for I've been to blinded with the fact and feeling of being so much in love with a guy. But then, eventually I learned and realized that it isn't that a good nor a bad feeling at the same time. Me, being in love, but it's just that, "there is always a right time for everything", it's just that- not now. And just for now, I have to focus only with my studies. Nothing more, nothing less.
I may already be a sinner for I've never been to the church for quite a long time already, haven't heard Mass for quite a bit, and that feeling sucks. I wish to be back and get reconciled. After all, I know I am a changed lady. I've been trying myself to control things over, but not like the old times that I've been to bossy, lazy and hard headed, I realized that I am now a grown up, I should act in accordance to my age. I'm no longer young for I am already eighteen years of age and I could say that it's too much. Too much for me to act like a kiddo. And as much as I am learning these things and such the reality of life, I've been feeling neutral of being in love to someone. Since that day, I promised myself not to mingle with too many guys anymore for I don't want to commit another mistake. I don't want to fail my parents especially my Mom. Yes, I loved the guy so much, but in the end it isn't right to continue loving him that hard. For everything must be in moderation, I've been too attached and I can't let go of the feeling no matter how hard I try, still there's nothing wrong, so near the verge yet I was able to prevent the bleeding. :)
Bleeding from seeing and talking to him all the time, for I have to sacrifice. If it's not over then it's not over. It's just that I have to move sideways. I ain't closing my doors to anyone in the future (but this time, I will be very choosy and witty to trust guys and give my full pledged love) Just for now, I have to relax and take things easy. I still have a long trek to go, and more rooms for improvement. The battle of life has just open it's near beginning. Another chapter has closed, now am ready for another pace. And that pace should remain victorious. :) Now I know where to stand, finally I was able to get up again and tap my shoulders and say "Congratulations, you're still on the right track" :)
Sometimes, I have to distance myself from people. If they care, they will notice. If they don't, I'll know where I stand.
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