LET'S FLY TOGETHER, AND FIND EACH OTHER

As many times as I blink I'll think of you tonight, I'll think of you tonight~ And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you, oh if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear, oh darling I wish you were here. :(

Again, for the nth time, I wasn't able to control myself again, I replied to him again. :'( This isn't strange anymore, for I've been like tolerating myself from replying. I know I am committing a mistake, for I made a promise to my Mom that I won't ever dare nor try talking and dealing with him ever again. But I just can't control myself. I miss him so bad, yes, I have to admit, but with so much pain.. "I still love him", just the same. :( But, I've been trying to prevent and avoid myself and my heart to love him still. Although I know this is hard, for at stake, I am so much in love with him, but I have to let go of that feeling, because I was asked and forced to do so. My parents doesn't want him for me, and so here I am, ended up like a mess, for I've been acting such a fool for almost a month, yes, it's been 3 weeks since we parted, and up until now.. I'm having a hard time, I still feel this pain inside of me, my heart wanted to scream since then.. "I love you, I need you, and I miss you". How I wish we could still be together and stick with each other for forever. (tears suddenly fell)

But it's now quite impossible to happen. I made a choice, and that choice is for the sake of my love for him. For the sake of my love for my parents and for the sake of my love for myself. (if I have any) I sacrificed my love for him, just for my parents not to send me off to school, and eventually will disown me, and treat me as a disgraced child. :'( I don't want to fail and hurt them even more, just the mere fact that I've lied to them, for keeping our relationship grow, and love him more and more each and everyday gives me this guilt inside of me. :( For I believe, I should have stopped whatever this feeling I have for him right from the very beginning of it all. :( I have no any other choice but to give up the love I have and invested for him, and I just can't accept it, why until now? Why up until now? I've been dreaming and wishing that it'll still be him whom I love and spend my forever with? This feeling sucks. This is really heartbreaking, I am beginning to become more tolerable of this pain, for everyday I feel like crying, I feel like dying.. Dying to talk, see and be with him again. :( I miss his hugs keeping me warm, his tender loving care that makes me feel so loved and secured, for only in him I can find my greatest comfort and happiness. :'( (Tears shed off again)

Just this night we had a tiny conversation, I don't know if he could still feel the warmth of my love that I've been actually trying to hid from him. But with every reply that I make, I can feel my heart skipping it's beat, feels like, I am having a hard time breathing.. Tomorrow is the 14th of the month, and supposedly, it's our 8th monthsary, but life is just too unfair, life's too short to live an unbalanced life. I miss him terribly, I badly want to be with his arms again, I badly want to feel his kisses again.. But again, it's IMPOSSIBLE to happen. This coming 2nd semester, I promise not to entertain anyone else, although I've been surrounded with suitors and admirers, but I know in myself that I only want him. And only in him I can truly be happy. :( We've been so much through already, a lot of difficulties and heartaches, those ups and downs of our lives, we've been together, and never did try leaving each other.. But this time, I have to leave him hanging, not because I don't love him anymore, not because I run out of love, not because I want somebody else.. But because, I was asked and forced by my parents.. To stop seeing and talking to you, it's as if saying.. No strings attached, from now on, I should stop loving you.. I should stop hoping for the bright future ahead for the both of us being "together", because no matter how hard I try, I'll just end up hurting myself, moreover, my parents. And since I'm still an independent daughter, all I want is to make my parents proud of me, that's why, am willing to sacrifice even my own happiness, just for them to be proud of me, after all, they still know what's best for me. And I don't wanna break house rules, I don't wanna be rude, for I've always been like an obedient kiddo.. I love my family so much.

And I only made a choice, I'd rather loose my boyfriend than them. For I believe, if we really are meant to be together, then in the near future it'll still be the two of us.. Maybe not now, but someday it'll still be us.. (Still hoping) Just for now, I have to love myself first, and make things right again for me and for my family. So that someday, I'll be able to love the right man for me. Fully and unconditionally, but before anything else, I should first learn how to love myself, by then.. I can only be an efficient beloved. :)

Yes, I am still hoping, but for now, I wanna be free. No strings attached, let's fly together, and find each other, for someday we'll meet again. :) I'll miss you. :)