Scars

Tenth of May

Don't promise that you're gonna write, don't promise that you'll call, just promise that you won't forget we had it all.

Lasting relationships lasts from being the right person, not finding the right person. Well, summer season's about to end in few weeks now, I thought I'll escape this time of my line. Just a few more weeks, and I'm back to having a Summer Love. I know, it has already been written. A scar on my heart, broken. Asking myself, "When will I ever learn to love again?" Still, although nine months had already passed, I'm still a coward. I can't face yet the reality that I am alone. I never acknowledged that I'm now alone, still alone after that event of my life. After I got my heart broken, for the second time now. Let me repeat, I consider it only as my second, for two reasons. First, that was the second time that I fell in love, completely. Second, it was really unexpected that I entered that relationship. Just because I trusted the person so much. And eventually, it resulted to a broken relationship.

I was left, hanging and broken. until today. Tenth of May. Someone from my buddy list, made me realized something. That is, I am no longer gaga over an old guy from my past. He's no longer haunting me, though. For I don't consider to open my heart for anyone else, I've been guarding myself and my heart completely from people, whom I know, eventually will crush me into pieces again. And this is currently my fear. However, I've realize that this is wrong. I won't be able to move forward if I'll continuously be living in the shadows of my past. We had a tiny talk this morning, (the guy from my past), and it is overwhelming how my heart reacted. You might not wish to believe me, but I was able to overcome the feeling I have for him: without me even realizing that it's all gone. He's also gone with the wind. Gone with that farewell letter I've sen him, a month ago.

But this entry is not about him. This is about a guy who made me feel complete, again. Well, at least for a moment. At least for today. I felt as if I'm again talking to a guy who'll care for me, understand me and accept me for who I am. Categorically, we've been friends for almost a year already. (I don't consider the first year of our friendship, 'cause it won't be called a friendship, after-all, this time I know we're getting to know each other more.) This time, we both know that this is actually happening. I mean, today, both of us' single. Nobody's committed to anyone else. So, we're both glad there's a chance. Now. 

I don't want to think that this is going to be fast again. We started this about a year ago already. But nothing happened. We both failed. I just hope this time, we won't give up on each other, despite our busy lives. And here's the thing, there's this temporary assurance that he, discreetly told me that he really likes me. Well, he told me he does, but I want to feel it. Words won't be enough, just enough. It has to be proven. He told me, there's a spark, and that he's not denying it. But I won't believe him until I feel it. 

But this time, I'm not closing my doors anymore. I will just let him do the things he wanted to do, I'll let it flow smoothly, and see what's going to happen in the long run, if I'll allow him to finally cross the bridge. But still, I know I can't help it. I'm still scared of the possibilities. I hate the word "promise", since then somebody promised me that he won't ever leave me. But he did. I've never imagine how guys could be so cruel, rude and jerks. I'm sounding a little bit bitter, but I am. You can't blame me to feel that way, though. Everything's still barely flashing back whenever I wish to give it a try. Another try. 

This time, I'm giving it another try. Another try... With you.