I’ll follow my heart and be happy soon.
I am making slight changes and adjustments. So, when you don’t hear a thing from me anymore, then obviously you’re a part of it. Detachment is not an easy thrust. It is a painful and long process. It takes time. Learn to let go of the things that hinders you to be who you are. Forget about those people who had already forgotten you. However, I have to remain strong and positive. Keep smiling, keep moving forward. Eventually, everything will be alright.
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Wala lang, dahil trending ‘to ngayon sa Twitter, at parang everyday naman trending, at naamaze ako, kasi parang may countdown, at dahil 2012 ngayon, meaning, it’s a leap year, so I have a feeling. Wait, we all have feelings, muntik ko nang makalimutan ‘yun. Haha. Pero di nga, srsly. One week narin pala ang nakakalipas since nag 2012, and I bet, one week narin since last ako nag-update ng blog ko. Lol. Since, Saturday naman ngayon, I’m allotting my night to make some reflections, and evaluate how’s the start of my goes, I’m hoping naman na it all went well, it’s just that, I have to admit, sobrang tinatamad pa ako, kasi.. Honestly, distorted na naman ang focus ko, gosh. Swear. Gusto ko na kasing magbakasyon e. Pwede naman, pero hindi lang mentally, lol. Hindi pwede, Go back to your senses, Adrienne. Umayos ka nga. No room for failing grades. Okay? Sige na nga, kaya nga nagsisipag na ulit ako since last Friday e. After receiving my quiz paper sa Epistemology, napangiti naman ako ng wagas. Haha. Got a very good grade e, so ginanahan na naman ako, it’s just that, BIO, please be good to me, sinisira mo ang good vibes sa kapaligiran e. Hahaha. Nakakapanghina lang, pero seryoso talaga.
Once in a while, I find myself unsure of what I’m heading to, and of what I really want to happen. Like, srsly, it’s already 2012, yet, I’m still stuck. Yiz, I’m still stuck with these mixed feelings of mine. Up until now, magulo parin ako, yung isip ko, sobrang gulo na naman, ang daming gustong mangyari, but not that certain in reality. Up until now, hindi parin ako sure sa kung ano ba talaga yung gusto ko. Mahirap kasi yung maraming gusto, well, wala naman akong biases, it’s just that, feeling ko, in nature, ‘balimbing’ lang talaga ako. Pero, gosh. I really want a fairy tale e. I hate to admit this, ang hirap harapin at tanggapin ng consequences ng reality, sa sobrang pagka-dreamy ko, gusto ko lahat ng nasa kagustuhan ko, mangyayari within a snap. Sorry, it sounds super selfish, but I understand myself naman. Siguro mahirap kung pati yung sarili ko, hindi ko maiintindihan di ba. Based on my horoscope reading kasi, masasabi ko naman na, innate lang sa mga Pisces people, yung mga actions and beliefs na meron ako. Minsan lang siguro, napapasobra na yung sakin. Cause, thinking na I’m already eighteen, and soon be turning nineteen, wala parin akong sense of direction. Umaasa parin ako sa ibang tao. It’s pretty saddening, pero life must go on.
One time, I told myself not to be this type of drama queen anymore e, well, if possible, lessen nalang. For I know, never ko na ‘tong maiaalis sa akin, and that, I know, I just can’t resist e. Part naman na kasi ‘to ng tunay na ako. And I guess, it’s a good thing rin naman, sometimes kasi, mahirap magsalita ng wala ka namang proof, so I guess, this is just my way of bursting my emotions away. Shooing everything inside of me. Sobrang hirap kayang mapuno lalo na’t it’s leading you nowhere. Sobrang hirap ding magpretend na everything’s pretty alright, pero deep down inside, hindi naman talaga. Haha. Hindi naman problematic na tao, at wala naman talagang dapat problemahin, hindi rin naman sa iniistressed ko ang sarili ko, for like, ayokong mabawasan ang telomeres ko, haha. To avoid aging, I have to remain calm all the time, not that I’m seeking for attention rin naman. Wala lang, sometimes pag sobrang bored ako, issue maker ako. Not that loud naman, pero chilled parin. Just to have something to talk about. Mahirap din kasi yung wala ka man lang mashare about your life, pero sincerely, proud naman ako na mystery parin ang buhay ko, I haven’t shared everything yet. Cause in reality, secretive man ako, pero kahit kailan, hindi mo parin fully mababasa kung ano ba talaga yung gusto kong sabihin at kung ano ba talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Never try being a mind reader, I warned you. Promise, mababaliw ka lang. Haha. Mahirap akong basahin, akala mo lang madali, poker face ako at times e. It’s not like, what you see, is what you get. Of course not! Boo. Gusto ko lang maging mysterious so that, I’ll remain interesting for everyone. Ayaw kong i-publicized ang life story ko, pati narin ang lovelife ko, para in the end, magugulat nalang kayo na. ‘Ohhh, talaga? Ngayon ko lang nalaman ‘yun uh!’ Haha. Not that, I’m keeping myself to you my dear reader/s, it’s just that.. it’s hard to explain to people what’s deep inside you, especially if they’re not that willing to lend their ears for you. Learn to dig, I won’t make ways, I won’t help you. Do it yourself.
People change, you know. The fact when they oversee their future and almost forgot where they came from; the fact that they try to steal every opportunity that comes into their lives (which is not totally wrong) but on the other hand misses the fun from the previous work; the fact that they have a lot of friends and misses the real ones; the fact that they reached the peak of their successes that they neglect to share their secrets to people; the fact that they don’t know who they are anymore. I’ve been a victim of people’s changes, and I believe that somehow, I am responsible for that. Having people close to me means more than just having my favorite Reese’s over the grocery store. By this, I mean that friends are more like accidents that when they happen to you, they make permanent damages. They change a lot from your ‘normal self’ and mark your being. To tell you honestly, I really want to keep my friends who once entered my life. I want to keep people close to me and get to know them better. Some people really say this same thing, but do nothing to make it happen. I am trying to reach out to people, but I guess I changed too - the fact that I got tired of reaching out to people since I felt the need to be loved and cared about. I don’t think this is a rant. I guess accomplishment is a better term. Why? Because I realized that if people want me in their lives, they’ll find a way to put me there. They’ll always have me. But having they with me? I’m not sure.
Btw, I know it’s not about receiving the most expensive gifts for her birthday nor her and her guy’s anniversary. It’s not about the expensive dining experience either. It’s not about the surprise presents which her guy lifted from her bucket list. Definitely not about the tons of text messages she receives every day. But if they guy only knew what she wanted, it will all be simple.
Sometimes, this girl just needed his time. A small conversation from which she can rant about her problems back home and between her girlfriends. A small time compared to his busy-day which he spent for his she-doesn’t-know-what-he’s-doing time. Sometimes, she needed this attention. The attention where she can finally feel important and cared about. She needed this attention not so someone can pity her or sympathize with her agony, but because she needed a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, she just need to be heard. It does not matter if he cannot give his expert advice nor his power to speak to people. All that matters is someone will listen to her sentiments wholeheartedly and patiently. Someone who’ll understand what she’s going through; someone who’ll try to do things to comfort her. He doesn’t have to speak, again. All she needs is someone’s presence, making her feel that she’s not alone. And sometimes, she just needed someone who can give her back what she’s given away. The girl wants something which the guy doesn’t understand because he doesn’t have the time to listen to her. And if he does, the fight is on.
One happy thought--- I always believed that whenever I wake up in the morning, I’ll see a beautiful side of life. That after every tear I shed from the previous night, I know that I will soon smile after a few hours. Nothing feels so overwhelming than being positive, so it’s always a must to open the curtains and let the light pass through our lives. I am not all-knowing, and I know that some people really have the right to be upset especially when things get too messy, but seeing things positively lessens the pain throughout the day.
So when you feel down, never forget to reminisce the times you spent laughing so hard. Believe me; something wonderful will come your way if you will let those positive energies enter your being.
Being. Being. Being. Being na naman? Hahaha. Ayoko na. Matutulog na ‘ko. Telomeres, ikaw na bahala sa pagtulog ko ngayong gabi uh. I’m not that sure kung may sense ‘tong entry ko for tonight, nawiwindang ako e. I have so many things in mind. So I guess, mas mabuti pang matulog nalang ako. Ang daming syllogisms ng buhay. Hihi.
PS: I can’t post this to blogspot yet, for some reasons, like. Idk. Bakit ayaw magload ng Twitter at ng Blogspot ngayon dito? Gosh. What’s wrong ba kasi talaga? Sana naman maayos yung connection diba. T.T pero, good night na talaga. Kawawa naman yung mga mata ko, baka lalong maging chinky. Haha.
Quotes for the week:
1)'Si Magora, kahit hindi na magpose ng seductive, seductive na talaga siya. Kahit hindi na magpose'
2)'May kamukha kang anime.' Di ko 'to nagets nung sinabi sakin, kasi nabingi ako. Pero.. Narealize ko narin after. Haha.' (Friday 'to, may kakaiba kasi akong hairstyle, tapos may ribbon pa. And nakapang sailor na stripes akong dress ako. :)
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