‘Thanks for making the end of my 2011, extra special’ :”>
‘I am ready to give you a second chance- I never stopped loving you’- Jade to Andy
By the way, it’s our National Heroes Day, and I guess, ‘twas also my day. So, this is how I’m going to end my year, being happy with my beloved ex boyfriend. –
I don’t know, I really don’t know. Confused na naman ako. Ano bang ibig sabihin nito? Bakit kami pinagtagpo ng tadhana, tapos ngayong araw pa? Shit. Sabi ko na nga ba e, bago pa lang kami pumasok ng mall kanina, pagkababa pa lang ng sasakyan, may kakaiba na akong nararamdaman. I told my brother pa.. ‘Shit, Andre. Kinakabahan ako, feeling ko, may makikita ako ngayon.’ Well, I was not expecting for him naman. I was expecting for our dear schoolmates from St. Mary’s. Pero, ewan ko ba. Yes, I saw a lot of them naman, pero hindi ko naman mga kabatch, pretty sure kilala nila ako, well, medyo kilala ko rin naman sila by faces. That’s the problem lang kasi, sa sobrang dami nila, feeling ko.. Magkakamukha na silang lahat, lalo na yung mga girls. Well, I was able to recognized Jhoy naman, I saw her sa Primadonna. Lea Mea, my sister-in-law. Haha, Jacob’s girlfriend, well, ‘twas nice seeing her naman, for she was the first one to approach me, masyado nga akong nagulat, nung may biglang pumisil ng arms ko.. Oh, and Karl as well, sa may Supermarket. And the rest, students from the lower batches na. Kaya, hindi ko na i-eenumerate pa, for Idk them naman personally.
Anyway, here’s the real thing. I woke up at around 10am nga pala, nice lang diba? Sobrang aga. Well, sobrang unusual for a vampire person like me. Haha Pero, srsly. I woke up early, for like, Mom and I talked last night na mag ggrocery kami for New Year’s Eve. Ayon, I would like to help in preparing the salad dishes, potato, and macaroni and fruit salad. After all, for me, ‘twas a great day naman, kasi I woke up earlier than the usual. Haha. I was able to eat my breakfast pa with them. Damn life, right? Pero kung tutuusin, I usually don’t eat naman the whole day, so, I guess, it’ll be a productive day, and at the same time, productive me narin. So what I actually did after eating, well, ako ‘to. Si higa. Haha, so nagalit na naman agad si Mom, kasi.. Sobrang sipag namin ng kapatid ko. Walang alam gawin sa buhay, lalo na daw ako. I was being scolded na nga since last night, for I’ve been being so abnormal na naman when it comes to sleeping. Lol. Whatever, what I want to say is that, I still want to go to bed. So fine, nahiga na naman ako. Past 11am na yata nun e, tapos ginising nalang ulit ako ng kapatid ko ng past 12nn naman na. Maligo na raw ako, kasi aalis na kami. Though yea, srsly. Super sleepy pa ako, nagshower agad ako, and right after, tanggal agad yung antok ko. Wooh. Yun lang talaga yun e. Secret to take away one’s sleepiness. 2:15, we were all ready to go to the mall na. Pero, wala pa yung sundo, so.. We have to wait pa, sakin naman, okay lang, kasi.. I was watching Happy Yipee Yehey pa, ang cool lang kasi nung palabas. Haha. Hanggang sa biglang dumating yung computer technician namin, sira kasi yung desktop. Before leaving for Quezon pa raw, ayaw na magopen nung PC, so ayon, kailangan pang ipaayos. Since, wala pa naman yung sundo namin, sabi mga 3pm pa daw, ode pinacheck muna yung desktop. Gosh, yung motherboard daw pala yung sira, fudge diba? Kamusta naman ang replacement nun? Ahaha. Tapos yung broadband ko pa sa Sun, sira. Grabe. Ang sarap lang mabuhay ng walang internet. Heck nooo. Di ako papayag, I mean, hindi kami papayag. Lalo na ‘tong si Andre. Ahaha. Fine, dumating na yung sundo namin ng 3:20pm, so ready to go. Yay. Nagdala pa ako ng extra money for anything, I mean. I want to buy something from the beauty hub e. P500 pocket money, carry na siguro ‘yun. Ahaha. Nag-iinarte lang naman ako. Lol. So, yun.. Flashbacks. Nasa mall na kami, sa labas na ng mall.
Nasabi ko na nga sa kapatid ko na sobrang may kakaiba akong nararamdaman, and habang nasa daan, we were all talking about our Christmas and Family Reunion last 25th and 26th, and how much money we made. Haha, super fun kaya. As in, I guess, for me, ‘twas my best Christmas ever. Ganun din sa kanila. Well, seryoso, sobrang fun kaya, super one of a kind e. Anyway, pagpasok pa lang ng mall. ‘Fudge, can we go home now, like srsly?’ Super dami po kayang tao. Goodness. Oo nga pala, I suddenly remembered, duh. ‘Adrienne, nandito sila kasi they have to shop for New Year’s Eve’. Come on. Yiz. Hahaha, super bad ass. We went to Watson’s to buy Mom’s drugs, then Dream Girl and Maybelline for my girly stuffs, Smart and Sun hubs, just to check on the high end phones, I have plans of buying a new cellphone unit kasi e, either Samsung Galaxy sII worth 27k, or that HTC phone worth 30k, damn. I want the HTC phone na, kasi may free beats pa. So, yun. I’ll buy that soon na nga. Fine, I’m a bit excited though, pero tsaka na. Kapag marami na akong ipon, so far, I have 10k na sa aking mumunting kaban. Ahaha. Papadagdagan ko nalang yun, before my birthday, or after the Holidays. Just to have that phone.
Hola, pagpasok ng Supermarket, to our surprise. Haha, pwedeng lumabas na? Please, pwedeng umuwi nalang talaga tayo? Idk. Like, swear. Napakadami pong tao, paano tayo mag ggrocery na ganito karami ang tao? Like, asdfghjkl. KThanksBye. Haha. Wala pang available na push cart, so paano na ba kasi talaga? Well, beauty nalang mautak ang beauty queen niyo. Lol. I was able to get a push cart from a guy. Idk kung sino yun, pero parang umepekto naman ang charms and crystals ko, tapos binigay sakin yung push cart na dala niya, I was looking for one kasi e. Sheeet. Mukha ko lang talaga diba? Chaka ko. Hoho. Okay, Adrienne, whatever. Lol. Pero, hanga naman sa akin si Mom, kasi I was able to get one, ehh, everyone’s were like so paranoid na nga, kasi.. Wala na talagang available na push cart. Kasi naman, diskarte lang ‘yan. Ahahaha. Konting panggagamit lang din. Chos. Paaak. Bored na bored ako sa loob ng supermarket, kasi naman, sobrang sikip po kaya, as in. This is what I hate about going to public places kapag Holidays e, kasi naman.. Ang dami po kasing tao. Di ko maintindihan kung bakit. Ahahaha. Ayon, after naming mag grocery.. We went back to Sun Hub na, kasi our technician texted Mom na, he wasn’t able to fix my broadband daw, that’s why, we decided to replace it nalang with a new one. So okay, good bye, 1k. Pero at least, we have a new kit naman, makakapag internet na ulit kami, sabik e. Lol. Hindi pwedeng hindi kami makakapag-net, well I guess, that’s our life lang kasi. I mean, halos dun na umikot ang break naming, plus, okay. Ang atat lang namin. Ahaha, hindi makapaghintay e. So what? Ahaha. So, yea, success. I have to buy a drink muna while waiting for the sales.. So, labas muna ako ng Sun Hub, leaving my brother there. I passed by the washroom, just to check my face out. Then, paglabas ko, nung dumaan ulit ako ng Coffee Bean’s place. Fuck that shit. #Asdfghjkjl.
I saw someone, two ladies. Yiz, and they were like, looking at me, and pointing at me. So yea, ‘twas Yssa and Tita Cristy. (My ex’s younger sister and Mother), sinalubong pa nga ako ni Yssa from afar e, so, I smiled naman and said hello. Then, balik na ako ng Sun Hub. I know, kinabahan ako, kasi kung nakita ko si Yssa at si Tita, meaning.. Nandun din si Jared. Fine, di ko siya nakita. Buti nalang, kinabahan ako, feeling ko kasi ang panget ko. Lol. Super nude lang ng appearance ko, well for me. Ahaha. Maong shorts, pink top and doll shoes lang ako. Not the usual Adrienne, Jared used to see. Okay. Naconscious lang ako, kasi nahihiya nga ako sa kung ano man ang itsurang meron ako. Knowing nandun pa si Tita. Shocks. Nagwithdraw kami ni Mom sa BDO, si Andre nandun parin sa Sun Hub, bakit ko daw iniwasan si Jared the first time we passed by, sabi ko naman, I didn’t see him, si Tita Cristy and si Yssa lang yung nakita ko. Sinabihan tuloy ako ni Mom ng suplada and masungit, super nakatitig daw kasi sa akin si Jared, di ko man lang daw pinansin, sabi pa nung brother ko, pinansin daw ako, tapos ako naman ‘to, deadma lang. Sabi ni Mommy, lapitan ko daw, tapos makipag-usap ako, tapos. Sabi ko naman, nahihiya ako. Wala, basta nahihiya ako. Feeling ko kasi, ang panget ko today. Haha. Okay, arte. Tapos ayon, third time we passed by Coffee Bean’s, so okay, Mom. Pinansin ko na. He was seated, then he saw me. Sabi ko naman. ‘Uy, Jared.’ Tapos waved hands. Then ayon, pinaupo niya ako, kasi siya lang mag-isa dun sa table, wow. Ang galing diba, the second time we passed by, wala siya dun sa pwesto na yun, tapos pagkabalik naming, nandun na.. Tapos mag-isa lang. Iniwan naman ako ni Mommy kasama si Jared, so mag-isa lang kaming dalawa dun sa table. Namiss ko ring magcoffee with him, it has been a long time narin kaya. He treated me with a cup of Iced Hazelnut Cappuccino with extra cream on top. Yay. Then we talked about so many things na. But, this was his starting words. ‘Alam mo ba nagalit sa akin si Kat?’ Sabi ko naman, ‘Bakit?’ Haha. Well, parang alam ko na yata kung bakit. Tapos sabi pa niya, ‘Mas lalong magagalit yun kapag nakita ka nun dito’. Hindi na ako nagtataka sa mga tweets ni Kat about her being ‘panakip butas and stuff’. Alam ko naman kasi e, saka sabi naman ni Jared, long story daw, and it seems like, I knew it all along naman daw. Well, yea, alam na alam ko naman kung bakit. That’s why, when we talked about Psychology, I asked him about those people na mahilig mag-sour grape, well. I explained him about that theory pa, then.. Idk kung nagets niya kung sino ba talaga yung tinutukoy ko dun.
Haha, we also talked about our studies and love life. Buong akala daw niya, break na kami ni Jan-Michael, haha, tapos siya naman, walang girlfriend hanggang ngayon. Nagkwentuhan pa about our New Year’s Resolutions, new look about the coming year, him driving his car, about our siblings, our professors, our College and High School friends. Shocks, sobrang saya, ngayon nalang ulit kami nakapag-usap nang ganun. As in, feeling ko tuloy, namiss ko yung dating siya, yung dating kami na ‘High School friends’. Then, si Yssa nakikinig lang samin, while we talked about La Salle and UST, yes. Archers and Tigers. Psychology and Philosophy’s connection to each other, saka schedule din naming dalawa. Wow, tapos biglang tumugtog yung ‘Baby ni Justin Bieber’. Yuccckkk. Sobrang eeeewwww talaga, kasi naman, sobrang hate kaya namin si Bieber saka si Miley, sheet. Haha, tapos tawanan naman kaming tatlo after. Nagpatugtog nalang siya ng emo song sa phone niya, just to contrast that song of Bieber. Lol. Para kaming tanga kanina, pero masaya naman kami, kitang kita sa mga mata’t labi niya, well, sakin din naman siguro. By the way, since bumalik na nga pala ako sa dentist ko nung isang araw, wala na akong suot na retainers sa mga ngipin ko, permanently. Yey. And he noticed that, he missed my white and shiny beautiful teeth daw, kaya naman pala, habang nagsasalita ako kanina, with my red lips, nakatitig na nakatitig siya sa bawat pagbukas ko ng mga labi ko e. Yeheeesss naman, alam na. Lol. Namiss ko rin si Tita Cristy, Tito Elmer (his dad) and si Yssa, grabe. Ganun pala yung feeling na, after a long time, makikia ko ulit sila, pero this time, iba na yung scenario. Hay. Hanggang sa naputol na yung conversation namin, kasi we have to leave na.. Nakabili na ng Broadband e. Hay. Sobrang bitin. As in, kasi naman, ang ganda na kaya nung topic namin, about Angel Locsin and Andi Eigenmann na kasi yun e. Sayang talaga. Hahaha. Well, alam na kapag binanggit niya yung pangalan ng dalawang artista na yun, kaya naman, tinitigan ko siya, tapos nagsmirk ako sakanya, then tumawa nalang kami parehas. Ohhh. Old times. I missed. Anyway. ‘Sige na. I have to go na, Happy New Year, Jared and Yssa’. Then, ayon.. He tapped my hand, then I walked away na.
Those 30 minutes na magkasama kami, ewan ko ba. Parang sobrang kakaiba. May kakaiba na naman akong naramdaman, feeling ko, sobrang special ko parin sakanya, at parang nagbabalik na naman yung spark na meron samin. Srsly, hindi ko na talaga alam kung makakaya ko pa. I’m damn confused again, yes. Here we go again. By the way, when we reached home, I received a text message from him. ‘Twas nice seeing you again, had a pleasant little convo with you as well, damn. I miss you.’ My reply was, ‘Lol, thanks, too. Happy New Year to you and your family!’
Ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit ako nanaginip nang ganun last night, tama. Si Jared nga yung lalaki na yun sa panaginip ko. Sabi nga ng pinsan ko, ‘meant to be’. Blessing in disguise yung nangyari ngayong gabi. So, eto pala, ganito pala matatapos ang 2011 ko. Masayang magbalik tanaw sa mga masasayang alaala.
Well. Seryoso. Naiiyak na ako. I looked and asked for my friends’ advises kanina, kasi naman. Bakit ganun? Feeling ko, hindi na ako mahal ni Mike, bakit hindi na siya nag-eeffort para at least pasayahin man lang ako, or para mafeel ko na, kahit papaano, special parin ako sakanya? Hay, ewan ko ba. Bahala na nga siya, kung gusto niyang ganito kami, okay. Total, sakanya din naman nanggaling na, ‘Kapag dumating yung time na ayoko na, tatanggapin niya yun, at ilelet go niya ako, kasi alam niya sa sarili niya na nagkulang na siya’. Tangina this, pwedeng magmura? Fuck this shit. Nalulungkot lang ako, kasi parang dumating na yata yung time na ‘yun, napaisip ako kanina.. Ganito rin yung nangyari dati e. Samin naman nung isang ex ko na minahal ko rin ng sobra. Well, nawalan kami ng connection for so long, for like two weeks or so yata, pero.. Nagpaparamdam naman yun, gumagawa ng effort para at least magkausap kami, hay. Ayoko nang mag-isip pa, alam naman kasi niya kung gaano kaimportante sa akin yung communication e, tapos ganyan. Sabi ko nga kay Zhea, buti pa nung summer.. Hay, I know, things were like in super change na. As in, fudge, Idk what’s happening. Pero, ayoko lang talaga sa lahat yung ganito. Yung binabalewala ako, at wala man lang effort para at least kamustahin ako, simpleng PM lang naman ang hinihintay ko e. Kahit small talk lang each day. Fine, distance. I know, this is what I hate about distance, kapag lumalayo, may ibang taong nakakapag fill in nito. May mga hinagpis at pag-aarugang hinahanap din naman ako, babae ako e. Tsaka, ayoko naman ako yung gagawa ng first move. Duh. Babae ako. Bow.
Ayoko na. Kung ganito at ganito lang din naman mararanasanan ko sakanya, mas mabuti pang.. Hay, ayokong sabihing sumusuko na ako. Pero, fudge, buddy. Effort naman o. Pahalagahan mo naman ako, alagaan mo naman sana ako di ba? Okay, siguro handa ka nang pakawalan at mawala ako sa’yo. Naiintindihan ko naman e. Fine, let’s talk. Pero, as of now, okay na ako. Ayoko lang kausapin ka kanina, kasi I guess, everything’s on fire pa. Tsaka nga pala, ayoko naman nang ipilit pa yung sarili ko. Kung hindi ka na masaya sakin. Wag kang mag-alala, hindi lang naman ikaw ang nakakaramdam nun e, kung nagsasawa ka di naman na sakin, yes dude. I feel the same. Alam ko, marami na tayong sacrifices para sa isa’t isa, mas lalo ka na.. Pero, naguguluhan na ako e. Mahal mo ba talaga ako? Mahal mo pa ba ako? :(
Okay, I don’t want to ruin my night. I spent it happily with my family, and with Jared and his family. Mas okay na sigurong nailabas ko lahat ‘to ngayon, para mamaya pagkagising ko, magaan na ang lahat. I just need a talk. Well, WE just need a talk.
2:47am na pala. Ang bilig ng oras. Last entry ko na ‘to for 2011. Sorry, masyadong mahaba, nagbuhos lang naman ako ng sama ng loob- So, it's time to say good bye, year 2011, hello year 2012!
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