Growth

January 6, 2013

It is exactly 12 midnight and I’m writing this blog entry. It has been a week since 2013 has started, and it is about time to write something tonight. I was kind of out of reach the following week for I tried hibernating and detaching myself from social networking sites, well to be exact- to people. Yes, I was trying to escape reality even just for a week. I tried and I guess it worked. No access to the internet, any phone calls and text messages. Just plain living without too much dependence from technology; at first I thought it wouldn’t be that productive until such time I realized I was able to survive for a week. Now, just another phase of my life is about to begin, maybe it has just started. Apart from my busy schedule in school, I was able to grab this time and perfect opportunity at home to find myself again and rekindle at the same time. It was not that easy thinking. Thinking about how I was the previous year.

Tonight, as I gather my senses back altogether I can’t think of anything else to ask from the Lord. I have been very thankful for all the blessings I received from Him. Although I’m a bit of upset that I was not able to write a year-ender entry and thinking that this entry might also a bit late for all the occasions that had happened. Seems like, I’ve been missing a lot. But then again I stopped and think- ‘There is no such thing as late’. Things have always have their right timing, well if it didn’t happened the past days then maybe next time. And I’m taking this time as the perfect throne to catch up and write again. Being a blogger isn’t that easy. And so as being a student, a daughter, a sister, not even a friend. And I realized that every profession isn’t that easy. As of today, nothing is really is. It is all about taking extra effort. Working twice as much to succeed in life and achieve one’s goal.

A week, another week of alone some- for people who thinks that being alone is a lonely feeling? Well, I am here for an argument because it is during your alone times when you will start realizing things. Things you never thought you will do, things you accidentally did because you failed to think about it first before the time calls, things by now you might start regretting. But this time I don’t think regretting upon something is good as an option- maybe because you did it unconsciously, out of peer pressure or some other reason, but the thing is you did it. You have to stand proud of whatever it is. Of whatever the outcome of your action was- may it be good or bad, it was your choice, so instead of belittling yourself, why not try and do something to make things right again.

You can’t undo things anymore. Words been said, things been done. It can’t be erased anymore no matter how hard you try to clean up or cover up such mess. You can’t change or forget them but I believe you can do something to replace them- To prove not only to yourself but also, to people that you are willing to change. Change is not always about consistency. Sometimes, ‘growing up’ or ‘development’ is a must. It is a must to replace the undying notion of change. Precisely, people don’t change. They grow and develop. That is the reason why, some people would rather choose to be happy despite their problems instead of drowning themselves to loneliness and for worse, be miserable. I admire those people for I believe they have a big faith. Deep faith in God.

And as I end this ‘Buena mano’ entry for my blog this year, I won’t go on with my traditional bucket list of New Year’s Resolutions. For I think I would be contradicting my recent statement from the latter paragraph. Again, if I may reiterate, ‘it is not about change.’ It is not about these ‘resolutions’, for I don’t think they could be easily broken, same with our promises just like my annual resolutions. ‘From now on, I need to reduce weight, it is a must’, ‘from now on, I’ll start doing the chores,’ etc and etc. As I assess each, there were not even slight changes. Well, there were, maybe at least for a couple of weeks, well and good for a couple of months. But at the end of the year, it is still the same thing; same practice. And as I see it: no change at all. So now, I decided to rephrase it and stick with my on-going intellectual ‘growth’ and emotional ‘development’.

I salute myself for seeing slight yet constant developments on how I interact with people. I was able to overcome this being ‘the boss’ slash ‘bad ass’ in my immersions with them. I thank God for answering my prayer for years. I cried cause of it when I realized how thankful I am that finally, He heard my prayer. And now, I am happily living normal with my complete family again, without the pressure; without the worry of having a broken family.

Maybe, I should start writing maturely this 2013, not the usual blogger who writes about her rants, dramas and heartaches. Maybe this time, I should throw them all away and start writing about good stuff.  -Something like this! Hehe.