April 18, 2011
Waaaahh. It's goddamn hot outside. Got my FX ride to Trinoma. I'm on my way, thinking if I should treat *him* like, as if nothing happened last night. For the nth time, got some sort of misunderstanding. Then, as far as my hypothalamus gland is expecting, really as in badly.. I got a text message from *him* and I was like, blushed :"> and it's as if, I just want to forget what seem to be our problem last night. Yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you. Because in reality, these three ventricles of my heart longs for you so much, like, I badly want to feel your heartbeat right close to my chest, and hear it beat for to no one, but me. I want to tell you, "sorry" for I almost treat you like, you know. Maybe you're thinking you're just an "extra piece of my life", but hell no. Please, don't think that, cause it's the other way around. Maybe I am treating you as if you doesn't really mean so much to me, but my heart wants to tell you "Oh boy, I am just weighing things way, trying to balance and contradict myself, cause the moment I get to reach the verge of my emotions, I would simply burst and kill myself, cause really, I've fallen so much for you already, that I don't want you to miss a single moment of my life not spending it with you, cause I always want to be by your side, and when I open my eyes, what I want is your warm embraces taking away the coldness I'm wrapped in, I want to hold your hands and never let go. Like madness, goddamn, this is too much love. ~Too much love will kill you, and I don't want that to happen yet. :) We still have a long way to run.
It's almost 2PM, from a distance, I knew that it was him. I hit him with the paper I got while walking towards him. *Second thoughts* Shall I talk to him or not? *But yea, my heart and mind can no longer resist* I miss you, and as much as I want to, I'd love to talk to you and hug for eternity. :) He told me, "Ang ganda mo ngayon, bagay sa'yo" Hmm, though I'm sort of irritated hearing this from guys, cause I feel like, hell no. Stop complimenting, stop looking, stop staring at me. But when it comes to him, I feel like, blushing. :"> (But of course, I have to keep it to myself) Anyway, "I am thirsty, come on, let's buy a drink". Oyea, and when I am about to pay for the bottled water drink. "Waaaaah. Where the hell on Earth is my coin purse?!" So I immediately called Mom, while being so hysterical, I was crying like a kiddo, I don't know what to do, how could I go home without having any cent in my pocket? :'( Good thing, when I checked in my bag again, 'twas there. :) Finally relieve, I thought I left it in my FX ride. So, was just damn happy, Mom's messenger won't pick me anymore and we'll be able to watch a movie (Got a longer reason to stay and be with him..) We bought tickets for Source Code, cause I really want to watch it since the last time we were there. Wasn't able to start the movie, for we entered a little later already. At first I thought at first, I wouldn't feel cool, but since I was wearing flimsy dress, fail. "Nilalamig na ko. :|" Damn, why get to rescue? :"> Why so gentleman and pick your jacket for me? :"> Why so sweet and take good care of me like this? :"> (I just can't get enough, just can't control myself of loving you more and more every time you did these things to me. :">) Source Code was a nice movie, since it's a Sci-fi, my mind was opened to possibilities of the subconscious of a man's mind. :) Indeed, 'twas awesome. After the movie, we stroll here and thereafter. Why so kulit and be so vain? D'ya really have to take pictures every now and then? :) Why d'ya have to insist of coming home with me? HAHAHAHA. I just can't get enough (again) Cause in the end, I wasn't able to find a way of turning him down, cause no matter what, *ANG KULIT NYA* you're getting into my nerves, so yea, I have no choice but to agree on what he wants. While waiting for a bus ride going to Baliwag or Cabanatuan (an alternative bus ride if Baliwag is nowhere to find :P) he keeps on insisting that he really wants to go. So there you go, since you're too *clingy*(?) alright then go, come home with me, *smirks*.(half-meant)
But hey, we've both have a problem. How could you tell your grandparents that you're here with me, that you went home with me? Same thing on my side, (But Mom's a cool Mom, I know she'll understand me, she'll understand us. So on my part, we really have nothing to worry about) However, this shouldn't be happening if you just didn't insist. Haha. Anyway, we both entered this sitch, then we'll go out alive of this dilemma too, *together* don't you worry, I'll never let you down. (Cause I love you, no matter what) When we reached Pulilan, he told me he was so hungry, he hasn't eaten his lunch yet. (So ako naman, naku, bakit di to kumain? Anong problema nitong nilalang na 'to?) Haha. Anyway, Jollibee's there, so we eat our dinner together and go home. So it's kinda late, I know it's a little dark on our streets already, and Kuya Toneng (tricycle driver whom I get to take a free ride whenever I'm going home late wasn't there) so no choice again, we have to walk, of course while getting near and near our house, I am feeling really nervous, what would my brothers tell me? Haha. And when we entered the house, "Jacob, si Michael". Ghad. I was damn surprise with the expression of my brother, since we was topless, he hurriedly went up the stairs and dressed himself, and immediately go down, wearing a smile on his face, welcoming Michael to our house (Really, I was damn surprise, cause 'twas the first time he was like that to my previous boyfriends and suitors, kahit nga sa mga magtatangka at aaligid aligid pa lang. But I don't know what's with the connection, bakit parang ang gaan ng loob ng mga kapatid ko sakanya?) Same thing with Andrei, though I know he don't get to say this and maybe Michael's feeling that Andrei doesn't want him for me (But hell no, I remembered one time that we were talking about my College life, most importantly abut the guys whom I met there, like yea, suitors, he told me, kung saan ka naman masaya Ate, masaya narin ako. And nga pala, gusto ko si Michael para sa'yo) Maybe he's just being too clingy for me, cause he used to be my all time boyfriend (kahit kasi sa times na may boyfriend ako, sya parin yung mas close ko. Same with Jacob, I don't want them to feel like, they're worth less of my time and love) But am happy that my brothers' starting to accept that am already a grown up, no longer their Ate whom they can always play around with, battered Ate at the same time. Haha. :)
After all the hardships of him, I and my Mom talking to his granny. At last we're relieved (How I wish he knew how much trouble he've caused me. :x) I was too nervous and stuff :| We have to make stories to cover up a wrong deed/decision. I remembered Mom, talking to us last night. She even asked us, "Tatanungin ko kayo ng diresto, eto ah, boyfriend-girlfriend ba ulit kayo?" Then, I immediately answered no. Cause I know we're not. We have this mutual indwelling. (Let's make it indwelling instead of understanding, cause it has a deeper sense and meaning, it isn't the simple M.U. thingy. :) Mom's right that, we have to start all over, like, "Oo nga noh. Napansin din pala ni Mommy yun, since nawalan kami ng term/commitment as boyfriend-girlfriend, mas naging close kami sa isa't isa. And we don't get too fight as small things anymore. Like, we're having a deeper foundation of our relationship (in the future) I know it's a little too early to say this, but, we've decided already that it will be the two of us 'til the end of time, we just have to wait. Anyway, 3-4 years would be a short-lived time as long as we're together. (As close friends. Anyway, if he wants, he could be my bestfriend, as in the best of all my bestfriends, I have to admit, this is my dream relationship, yung we started as long time friends muna, para naman kilalang kilala namin yung isa't isa ng buong buo. As in yung walang tinatago. Yung sobrang tagal at lalim ng foundation, since lahat naman ng strong relationships, yun talaga ang foundation) Anyway, 'twas also my first time, that I heard Mom talk to me like that, I know am open to her in terms of these stuffs, cause I don't want to hid from her. She'd given my enough trust a parent could ever give. So I really have nothing to worry about in terms of my lovelife, thus, she just doesn't want me to involve myself to it, like too much, as much as possible she doesn't want me to have a boyfriend yet, not until I graduated from College. Mom's really the best, no doubt. She's the coolest Mom in the world. After all, she's my first bestfriend. :)
April 19, 2011
11:58PM, Mom went up to sleep already, she told me to behave. :x So I get 3 DVDs to watch upstairs, Toy Story 3, The Tourist and Hereafter. Nonstop movie marathon with him.. Was like, hell yea. \m/ We were seating right close to each other, I can feel his warm hugs, and his sweet kisses, and his hands holding mine, and it's as if, we both don't want to end that night, and simply freeze the moment. (If only we could) Anyway, in just one night, I couldn't imagine that all my of first times come to happen. Everything was simple yet so magical. With the ambiance of our living room, hence so lovely and sweet. Now I know, you're the man I want to marry, you're the man I want to be the father of my future kids, and you're the man I want to share my life with, FOREVER. Cause you're my love, my world and you're my everything, and I promise you, we will be together for eternity, that no matter or whoever wants to take us away from each other, we'll fight them together, cause we are made to no one but for each other. So for the history, I didn't sleep, while having a movie marathon, because I am with the guy I want to marry in the future. :"> I just want to see what my future with him lies ahead. :) 4:30AM, Jacob went down to take a bath, 5:00AM, Andrei and Jacob went out for jogging.. 6:00AM, Mom went down and prepared a breakfast for us. So hell yea, after several days, (the last time I ate breakfast was when I was in Antipolo, Pam's crib, so now, I have eaten again, RICE because of him. :"> Now I'm thinking this is for a history. For like how many hours am I with this guys? While watching news on TV, I suddenly fell asleep, and when I opened my eyes, 'twas him whom I first saw, he'd handed me a strip of paper, Mom bade me a goodbye kiss and so as he. A kissed on a forehead. And, I was really damn sleep, I locked the gate, and go up stairs, hit my bed and sleep, sleep like I am Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, waiting for a kiss from my prince to be awakened up again from a million years of sleep. Am I dreaming or were all these things really happening? Plus, slap me if am just dreaming, cause if I am, I don't wanna ever be awaken again.
I just can't imagine how long we were together. I know, I'll miss him again, actually, when I get up, I was in the state of shock, what the hell happened yesterday? How about last night? Am I just dreaming? Please tell me if I was just dreaming. :)
Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him know how much I love him.
~2:00PM of April 18, 2011 to 8:00AM of April 19, 2011- Happiest days of my summer 2011. :)
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