>Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down.. Wishing you would be mine~

April 29, 2012
2:44PM, Sunday
Seated in front of my laptop, reminiscing~

Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down.. Wishing you would be mine~

Two consecutive nights. Yea, for two consecutive nights, we've been talking "again". It took me a lot of courage to take the first step, to "approach" him again. Just like the old times, we're chatting during the wee hours of the night, but there's a huge difference now.. We're no longer that "sweet couple, loving each other". I thought I was able to overcome this feeling already, but every time I see him typing right after my reply, my heart skips a beat. I get nervous on what he's gonna reply back to my message afterwards. I'm having a hard time, I can't easily take a breath. Argh. :'(

Everytime I say "How are you?" My head says "I miss you". Everytime I say "Take care" My heart whispers "I love you". :( I wanna tell him how much I love him, "still" but I just can't. It's as if something's controlling me and stopping me not to care anymore, to stop communicating with him again, for it is wrong. Talking to him again, being a part of him again, attaching one's self to him again with emotions is a no no. Not just simple emotions for a friend, but longing for that "one love" of a lover. An ex-lover in particular. Oh, how I missed him though, considering him as the very first thing in mind every time I open my eyes, and the very last thing I think about before I go to sleep. Yes, I may be smiling, but inside I'm crying.. :'(

I am just not too certain about how long will I stay strong like this towards him, and towards myself. Towards what my heart desires, I know my heart and my mind's in deep battle cry, which side to take. Which am I suppose to follow again this time? Having no regrets in the end. It's heartbreaking, it's breaking my heart and pounding it into pieces, the more I desire to be with him, through means of talking to him, the more my mind tells me to stop thinking about him, to stop caring for him, to stop and cut what's bleeding inside. I'd love to scream on top of my lungs and just simply admit to him that.. "Hey, can I still come back? Do you still love me?" Just say yes, and "We'll be together again". BUT no, I know it's not gonna be as simple as that anymore, for I know there's no more room for the "love" that we have for each other now. Things and emotions may still be right, but the time has already told us to stop. A long time ago, when everything's seem alright, we both wasted it and now, that time has come, but we can't do anything about it anymore.. Hopes are still high, BUT regrets are overflowing. Why can't it be the two of us, BACK AGAIN? :'(

I'll call it end. For I know it's over. He don't LOVE me anymore. You don't have to say it, but I can feel it. I know it hurts, but he don't care anymore. :'( He doesn't want to care anymore, damn. This song gives me so much to remember, my all time favorite song since I was little, I once dreamed of a guy who'll sing this song to me, and I promise to marry him in the future, but I guess, things won't happen like how you used to expect and believe in, cause sometimes, things happen in the most unexpected and perhaps the "rightest" time on Earth, it breaks my heart again and again.. But.. You were just a dream that I once knew~


There are times when I just want to look at your face
With the stars in the night
There are times when I just want to feel your embrace
In the cold night

I just can't believe that you are mine now
You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be here with forevermore
All those years, I've longed to hold you in my arms
I've been dreaming of you
Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you would be mine

Time and again
There are these changes that we cannot end
As sure as time keeps going on and on
My love for you will be forevermore
Wishing you would be mine
I just can't believe that you are mine now
You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
As endless as forever
Our love will stay together
You're all I need to be here with forever more
(As endless as forever
Our love will stay together)
You're all I need
To be here with forevermore~

I love and miss you.. Hope you still think of me like you used to. :'( even though I know, it's IMPOSSIBLE now. :'( I love you, I still love you. (tears shedding)