"A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
No matter how hard we try fixing it, seriously. I bet, there's no way out. I mean, dead end na e. We can't do anything about it na. Although I believe, kahit konti, as in super pinch, may natitira pa akong feelings, it's not that something grave, na todo todo pa talaga just like before, I have let go of the feeling that I "loved" him. But, I don't wanna end my slight communications with him, like, for some reasons I would still love to consider him as one of my "treasured" friends. Well, I guess, hanggang friends nalang naman na kami. But seriously, I guess I have to go back to the old times na I won't be talking to him again, I'll ignore him to death again, just to show that he doesn't mean anything to me anymore. On the other hand, it's another sign of rudeness and bitterness naman. For I guess I don't have to do such things na, kasi if in the first place, I have already moved on, and accepted the fact that it's already the end of us, then I don't have to act that silly anymore. ;> Remembering the night when he told me, "Wala munang tayo, walang commitment, and swear. Walang kahit ano". Well, I guess, that's another verdict, I am single, therefore, I've got all the rights to do the things that I wish to do. Walang pakialamanan di ba? :) Since, wala naman daw siyang pakialam sa sakit ko. (harsh reality) that I have to face and accept whole heartedly. Though I've been like, trying to convince myself that I'm alright, and I'll be alright. Sabi ko na nga ba e, kaya ayoko malaman niyang may sakit ako, ayoko lang din naman yung maging reason para sa pagiging close na naman namin ulit. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na, "wala na talaga". Hindi na siya kagaya ng dati, kahit gaano ka pa ka-willing na ibalik yung meron dati, kung natanggap niyo na sa isa't isa na hindi naman kayo ang para sa isa't isa, ode clear na, na wala nang kung ano pa mang namamagitan sa inyo.
Honestly, I'm still confused when it comes to what I feel for him. Sometimes, I wish to be with him, sometimes, I could say that I still love him, no I love him more now, than before. And yeah, I have already forgotten about you, you no longer exist in my world, so stay the hell away from my sight. I don't wanna see you ever again! (mixed emotions) up until now, I haven't checked my heart yet, I mean my current status. What I know is that, I'm single, and I'm free. For we both talked about that. But now, why is this happening? I mean, ano na naman tong hiwalay hiwalay issue na 'to? Na gusto niya ng seryosong karelasyon, that he's fucking tired of playing already. Ghad. (ano ba talaga?) So, ako pa ang tatanungin mo, kung ano ba talaga gusto kong mangyari sa ating dalawa? Well, isa lang naman sagot ko dyan, if you were to ask me.. I'd like to keep our friendship still. For the sake of keeping you. Someone like you, na naging importanteng part narin naman ng life ko. But if you're like wishing and insisting to my face that, I shouldn't befriend you, then alright. It's all fine with me. Sabi ko nga.. (ayokong ipag-siksikan yung sarili ko, sa taong ayaw naman sa akin) Really. Pagod na pagod na akong umintindi. Pagod narin ako sa sakit ko. Akala ko ba, aalagaan mo na ko? But why is that? :(
I don't wanna discuss about it anymore, for I'm saying nonsense here again. (sa kung sino mang nakakabasa ng blogs ko, oo. Alam ko may iba nang nakakabasa nito), at nagulat naman ako. Kasi I've been trying to keep this as private as possible, why is there a need for me to write something about you pa nga ba? Bakit nga ba pinagaaksayahan ko ng oras magblog ng tungkol sa nakaraan na? Di ba pwede namang patungan at ireplace ng bagong memories? Sobrang bitter na kasi nung mga nakakaraan e. Hindi na magandang alalahanin pa :) Sumasakit na buong katawan ko, namamanhid na. Lalo na yung puso kong may butas. :) So, ako'y magpapahinga na. Good night. :*
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