"Pain is a good sign. It makes me realize how some people never deserve to be in my future, and I should let them go."
Damn right. Here I am again, having a hard time sleeping, thinking of the mistake I've made this day. I should have not talked to him, moreover, open my webcam for him. But yea, I miss him, I miss us, I miss having him to talk whenever I wanted, but I know I have to move on, because this is pointless. I hate myself for having him enter my mind, for having him enter my entire system for today, if only I was able to control and learn my mistake well, then I would not let him enter my life again. For I know, if this is nothing for me anymore, if he's like a mere and a common friend to me at all, then I would have not allowed him succumb this misery in me. :'( I shouldn't have entertained him, but I just couldn't help but do so.
And I know what I did was so wrong. That's why, am trying to ignore him again to the best way that I could. Until I reach the verge of this, because it isn't getting any easier at all. Slowly, am again indulging myself to the feeling that I haven't moved on yet. (I don't know, this may sound weird, but this is the reality.) Seriously, I believe, there are still remnants and fossil remains on my heart. There's still a piece of me loving him.. But I know, eventually I'll learn to forget him. Just the fact that I have and I need to delete him on Facebook is one of the lightest things that I can do to forget about him, and seriously.. It works. Me, not visiting his Twitter page anymore, makes another difference, just by me not hearing anything from him anymore is a big factor. I emerged glorious for a week, of me not seeing and communicating with him, I know I can do this. Few more pushes, and I'll be there. It takes time, but really, I have to help myself, and I also have to help him, to make things right again and make things easier for the both of us again. Not until the both of us, reached this end point, the verge and acceptance that we too, our relationship has already gone and fluctuated. What we must have and learn to have is the so-called plain friendship, without any malice at all. By then, I'll truly be happy. :)
Now, am having a hard time again. Seriously, every time I am free, every time I have just broken my heart and become SINGLE, there are these guys around of course, and this is the crucial part for me.- CHOOSING. Yes, because now, I have to choose wisely, hoping that the next relationship, the next guy I'll be into, would already be my last. (Just like what, my best friend Jared always tells me, and we both agreed upon, we have had a lot of trials already, me having 7 and him having 7 always.. Hoping that both of our 8th relationship would already be our last and final love, because we ain't getting any younger anymore, we have to take things seriously and deal with the next person rightly. :>)
At this point in time, I am clueless. Nope, not really.. But, I have like 6 options, I have six suitors at the moment, and I don't know which of them is which. Haha. :)
a) Mr. BSIT?
b) Mr. PHL?
c) Mr. ECO?
d) Mr. SF?
e) Mr. SENIOR?
f) Mr. SPILNER?
Well, seriously they are all different from each other. But here I am again, having a hard time choosing who's next? But seriously, no plans yet committing myself to someone again yet. :) But am hoping that in the near future, I'll be able to pick the right man for me. :)
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Pare parehas lang naman kayo ng sinasabi mga lalaki kayo e. Oo naman, alam ko namang may mukha at utak ako. Pero sana, wag naman yung maging dahilan para mahalin niyo ako, nagsasawa na kasi ako na maging "trophy" girlfriend e. Alam ko, nakakachallenge akong mahalin, sabi niyo nga.. Pero, warning lang. Maldita po ako. Caution: Kapag na-inlove ka ng todo todo, mawawasak ka lang ng madalian kung susubukan mo akong saktan. Pero, kung tatratuhin mo naman ako ng maayos, e wala kang magiging problema sa akin. Sweet at maalaga rin naman. :) Yun nga lang, ayoko yung tinatrato ako bilang "trophy" girlfriend. Di naman kasi ako trophy. TAO ako. :) Kaya sana kung sino man sa inyo mapipili ko sa hinaharap, alam ninyo kung paano ako paamuhin. :)
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