HELLO, SEMBREAK!

Finally. This is it! This is the moment I've been actually waiting for. Well, not just me.. But I guess, all my fellow Thomasians as well. :) Yaay. We'll be resting for a whole month. Hello semester break, I've been dreaming about you since Monday. And finally, you have just arrived.Well, I don't know if I have the rights and guts to rejoice now, knowing that some of my grades are at stake. And I've been dying to know, that I'm at risk. This is silly, but yea, this is the harsh reality of life. :'(

But I bet, I deserve what I've got. Since the Preliminaries and Finals. I know, I've been too cloudy, and harsh with my regards to my study habits this Academic Year, and it just sucks to know.. That as early as now, I've been experiencing these kinds of worries in life. I have to admit, I've been too blinded and careless about almost everything. Without putting into consideration, how others will feel after I've done something. Moreover, I have hurt the feelings and trust of my Dearest Mom. :( I am feeling like, I have to remorse. I have to make up, I have to make things right again. If only I could turn back time, and make some remedies towards my wrong doings. But yea, it's too late. Really, frustrations and regrets are always in the end. Never did it became on top of the story. Well, it's this is heartbreaking. Seriously. :|

I'll be a hypocrite, if I won't get to accept the fact that.. I'm now drowning, and I actually having a hard time on how am I gonna get back to where I should belong. Things are now at stake. And slowly, I feel like dying. Feeling super down and hopeless, out of my everyday life, I've been trying to convince myself, that.. I still have this certain hope in my life, that after all these hurricanes and calamities that really shakes my entire being.. Now I'll slowly crawl back and whisper, "Next time, I'll try to make things right again. I'll change for the better. Just give me one last chance. One more chance, and everything's gonna be okay again".

Lately, I've been loosing track. I don't where I should get to position myself anymore. I've been harsh, I've been too judgmental, too selfish, too irresponsible and conceited, too self-centered and clingy. But seriously, this is madness. I've been mourning every night, and every time my conscience gets to bug me, I regret everything that I've done, since this semester started. And now it's getting late. Now it's the end, I don't know how to react and deal with my dilemma. I don't mean to brag about anything, for I know, I do not have anything to brag about. I've just been too selfish and conceited, I have loved myself so much, without thinking of the welfare of the other people around me. And now, I'm lost. :(

I don't know which way to go. I don't need somebody to treat me like how I want to be treated, for the mean time.. I only need myself, to make find myself, and apparently.. To make things right again. For I have to admit, I've committed a major crime. The crime of falling in love. -----------------------------------------------

That actually changes everything. For every time, I fall in love, I turn about to be this someone whose not in the type of the expected me~ The so-called "almost perfect" me. I know some people are missing this person. But, sorry. She has to find herself again. But I promise you, everything's gonna fall back to where it should belong. :)

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I'm so sorry, to all the people I have hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. :'( I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. Just give me another chance. Holaaah, Sembreaaak! :)


PS: I think I'm starting to fall in love again. But this time, I'll be extra careful! :) Imma post something about us, in the near future. :""">