SOMETIMES, ITS JUST THE TIME, SIMPLY THE RIGHT TIME

Exactly 5 days after Friday, 12:08mn. I chucked a piece of of my skin to help me sleep, and at the same time, I was crying in deep sorrow, for I know, I have to make a decision that would last for a lifetime. I know it'll be hard, but I have to let go. And eventually, move on. :)I am happy am improving as the days go by. It's just that, last Monday, January 25, 2011, my heart stopped it's beat. I have given up already. That made my heart and mind scream like hell. Like, at the top of my lungs, I was shouting desperately, that I can't take it anymore. I can't bear with the pain anymore. But I don't know, there are these thing am still so uncertain of. I am sure that I made the right decision, this is what the world wants for me, because they believe and they know that this will be the best for me. I hate to say this, but I don't want to believe in you anymore. As much as it's hurting me, I'd like to be honest, I am no longer hoping for US to be together again. (at this point in time) But one thing's am certain of, I ain't gonna close my doors nor windows. I am still open for the great possibilities in the near future. Well, am not saying that it would surely be you whom I'll be with, cause I know, everything is in mobility, everything and everybody else does change. Nothing is so permanent in this world, except for that colloquial word. I hate to hope, and I just don't wanna hope for nothing. :'(

It's just too hype. I know I loved a right person, but it's just that, the timing didn't meet my expectation, I loved at the wrong time, at the wrong age. And it's very painful to accept that, I could now say. "proudly" to myself, that "Congratulations, Adrienne. You did a great job". You fell in love for real. It's my first ever heart break. (Well, not to consider my previous breakups, for certain circumstances that I shouldn't discuss anymore) I know, you're changing me in the process, and you've changed me eventually. But I am so sorry, this wasn't easy, I now discovered my greatest mistake. I just don't wanna make myself believe that this is something real, something fatal and would make me happy for eternity. Remember, we're young, we're not getting married, my mistake now, is that, I let you in, I allowed you to succumb and be a huge portion of my life, that you played a vital role into it, making me believe that all these things are right. Not until, I bumped my head and get hurt this much. I learned my mistake, and I don't want that to eat me alive. Though I know it'll be hard, I accepted that I have to do this. I should have not allowed myself to depend on you this much, I should have not let myself stick too you that long, that now, I am seeing the BAD side effects on me. It's killing my dispositions and gives me a lot of disruptions and distractions. :'(

All I am asking is space and time. Nobody knows, at the end of it all, it would still be you and me. (?) But that, am still uncertain of. Because it's hard to believe in something that you doesn't even have a post of affirmation that it will surely happen. But what I know and what I want now, is TIME for myself. To examine, determine and know myself even more. And most of all, TO LOVE MYSELF FULL TIME. Because I cannot love anybody else yet, if in the fist place, I don't know how to love myself, and admit to myself that, I AM JUST A HUMAN. I ain't perfect, I am also bound to commit mistakes. (Same mistake, I kept on repeating all over and over again) When will I ever learn, when will I ever be realistic to myself? Oh this is horrible. I don't know how to handle myself, what more, handling a relationship? It just sucks to know and discover to myself that, up until now, I am still dependent. I wish to achieve something that I want in the following days to come. In the mean time, I just want to relax and enjoy my life. A life of a kid. :) A kid whom does not entertain problems at all, whom does not allow anything else get him irritated. I just missed being a kid. And I simply want to stay a kid forever. :) And be forever young. :)

This is the harsh reality of life. Love is a gamble. If you ain't that strong to conquer all the obstacles on your way, then you ain't ready to get in it yet. :) Just like me, but I ain't gonna give up. Someday, I'll master the field of love. But for the mean time, let me master and get the triumph in the field of Philosophy first. I've still got tons of dreams to pursue. And if you'll ask me if you'll be a part of it? :) Undoubtedly, I'll just face you and say, "You'll always be a part of it" Remember, you'll remain special to me, no matter what. Even if it takes for a lifetime. I'll hold on, as long as I can, I'll remain strong for you, for me. And for my Mom. :) I am single, but my heart will always be taken. Taken by no one else but you. You will be the only resident in here, I won't let anyone else rent this even for a short while. So I guess, this is goodbye for now~

I know, somewhere, someday, we'll crossroads again. Hoping that it'll be at the right time, at the right place, at the right age, but still, with the same person. :) cause it'll always be you~

Quote from me: "Words aren't the only measurement of love. Not even the actions. Sometimes, it's just the time, simply the right time."

PS-So paano? Let's just wait for the right time. The time for US. Kung tayo, ode tayo. :) Wag lang ngayon. Handa naman akong maghintay e. Sabi ko nga sayo, bago kita sagutin, maraming balakid, pero ginawa ko parin. Mahirap sumugal, kasi alam ko masasaktan ako. Pero naging matapang ako. Ginawa ko, kahit hindi pa ako handa. Pero, dahil sa mahal kita, kaya kong tiisin, at handa akong makaramdam ng sakit, mapatunayan lang na.. MAHAL KITA. Mananatili ka lang naman dito sa puso ko e. Maghihintay ako. :) Hanggang sa hindi na tututol ang mundong ito sa ating pagmamahalan. :*