Sign?

Pouring rain + Coffee + Nicotine sticks + SAN BEDA LAW GUY

"Beauty emerges as the admirable face of loss transforming it in order to make it live." - Julia Kristeva

Just a way to release my stress out, I had coffee, and four nicotine sticks. Under the pouring rain. I was with my good friend, Pam. Distressing. It is more fun under the pouring rain. It pains to death, trying to escape reality. I don't know exactly the reason why I feel alone. When in fact I ain't really alone. I just hate to remember that it's the fourteenth of the month. Oh well. It has been a year and a month now. Still... I haven't entered a new relationship. I'm just too afraid, I am already settled with "landi landi lang" now my problem is, when will I know when to give in again? When will I know when to take things seriously... If I'm stuck with this kind of mess and situation already. I'm stunned and mesmerized having fun, experiencing all the freedom I have, yet... I feel alone. I want to experience the butterflies, those real butterflies again. I miss the feeling of being in a relationship. Nevertheless, I don't have the guts yet to be in a relationship. I just suddenly miss it. :(

It's hard to pretend though, that everything's perfectly alright... When in reality. I'm like breaking into pieces. I can't stand the loneliness, such emptiness I'm experiencing right now. I stopped caring, I stop loving. Hence, I started to feel lonely and alone. When will I ever feel "real love". When is it going to embrace me? Have I just committed so many mistakes in my past, that I'm not bound to meet someone whose worth it for me? This is my longest.... Longest time of being alone, although I chose this, I'm starting to hate it in some ways. I just don't know why. Maybe the -ber month feels. Oh well.