Today, I'm feeling a bit guilty. Did I just offended someone? I don't know exactly what I actually did. I was thinking I was again... being this old indecisive me. These past few weeks, I've been slightly disturbed. Too many problems consequently piled up, and made me feel, like.. Like this. Totally stranger to my own self. For quite sometime, I can't understand myself. Again. Slightly, I'm destroying myself. How could I just destroy my own self. How ungrateful. Gleefully ungrateful though .Can't even imagine why. Why, again? Now, I'm becoming just another puzzle to solve, that yes, only me could find possible answers for it.
I feel so lost. Confused, troubled. I do I have to always feel this way? I'm conscious, I feel good about myself, but. Wait, maybe not totally. Perhaps I just don't trust myself that much. I doubt myself. Yes, I doubt myself for being real. For doing the things a "right" person's ought to do. Am I living my life the way it must be? Or am I being too free-spirited, too flying, too lax? Not thinking of the consequences of the "real" world offers.
I don't understand why. I've been surrounded with people whom I thought would always make me feel special, and worthy all the time. But I've just realize that... They weren't real. Some may be real, but only for a moment. That, forever isn't really existing. Insofar as it is in-existent already. Well, at least in my context. I can't express myself well anymore with words. I'm afraid, I'm starting to feel the fear. This certain fear that might eat me alive, again. And again. Then again. It is becoming a cycle to me now. A vicious cycle that keeps on haunting me.
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