What I'm doing now is detaching myself from the experience~

October 19, 2012
Saturday: What I'm doing now is detaching myself from the experience~

Just because I played the role of Saint Hildegard last semester for our major class, Scholasticism. And I guess, it's quite timely to use this photo for two reasons, first is because it's the release of grades, Thomasian students are all busy raping their refresh keys just to view their grades, hoping for good results.. And second is because, Blessed Pedro Calungsod will be canonized this coming October 21st in the year of our Lord.

Pardon this kind of photo. For I guess, this is to.. *insert-whatever-word-here. :)
Admit it, bagay naman sakin ang maging madre, di ba? Just when I remember playing the role of the Blessed Virgin Mary, way back in High School :)

*Still raping my refresh key*
You see? You closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes, you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too. Even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you, it will only help you. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself. "All right, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is." Same for loneliness, you let go. Let the tears flow, feel it completely, but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of being lonely. But now, am going to put that loneliness aside and know there are other emotions in the world, and am going to experience them as well.

Unsatisfied lives, unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you have found the meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. You want to move forward. You want to see more. Do more. Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do something, but you are bound to do that something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take things for granted. If you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you, anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won't be dissatisfied, you won't be envious, you won't be longing for somebody else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed with what comes back.

It's not just other people we need to forgive, we also need to forgive ourselves. Yes, for all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and everyone around you.