I LOVE YOU AND I WILL TELL YOU EVERYDAY

It's been a week week. Yea, damn right. It's been a week that am actually in this whay you call in a relationship with this "someone". :) Uh, someone whom I can call "The ONE", honestly, before I used to tell myself and my friends, Adrienne, after 8 years. Okay, so just wait. Wait for that someone who can actually change you. Then again, I was bothered, "Why do I have to change myself, if in the first place I ain't really affected of my actions towards others, (specifically to the guys) Like, you know what I mean, this girl is "play girl" her Mother and her closest friends used to tell her. They used to talk about boys in her life, how she actually plays with them, how she gradually uses them to kill her time and to get in the fad. It's like, yea. It's the trend. Teenage years having a lot of boys around. It's fun and enjoyable. Reckless. Making them feel that you like them too, but in reality, you're just playing and using them. :) (Fucking indeed wrong moves of this girl.)

Then one day, I woke up. It's another day, I was awakened by a tsunami. :) When all of a sudden, it was as if, my head bumped hard into a car and made me realized things. (Nahanap ko na yata yung katapat ko, pero actually.. Hindi ko pala siya hinanap, dumating nalang siya bigla sa buhay ko..) Imagine, parang ilang linggo palang ang nakalipas pinag-uusapan lang namin ng mga kaibigan ko ang tungkol sa buhay pag-ibig ko..)Then here it is.. Uh, it's just like I felt this extreme feeling, whoa. A little so damn strange thing-- "He's actually here with me: physically and emotionally" JMVB <3 Really, this is the hardest feeling I have ever felt, from all those previousssssssss affairs and flings I've had had; WHAT THE HECK, "Adrienne cried for the first time in front of a guy." Embarrassing shall I say, but I see, this is "REAL LOVE" the thing that I was actually been waiting for. Long before since I ended up tough "relationship" last summer. I actually love the feeling.. 'Twas the sweetest Valentine's Day of my existence. I thought I'll be alone, cold and lonely that day, I was actually happy and single in the morning, I never come to realize that I'll be happier, gay and in a relationship with Jan-Michael Vincent Bannag that evening. :) I would always remember that sweet proposal of him.. 12 red roses, and each stem says.. "I LOVE YOU SAAB" then, each letter makes this poem.

To You,
Maria Ysabel,
Most Precious and Belle,
I LOVE YOU,
With a Heart, So True..
And I will Faithfully Do
Cherish You
Forever and Always
Just Me and You..
And I Hope You'd Say I Do
When I Ask You..
Can I Be your Beau? :">

He knelt down and asked me.. "Can I be your Beau?" Then I held his hand and asked him to get up, explaining him my conditions, this is actually a weird sitch, when I was in High School, I can play anytime I want with all those guys, but now that am in College, Mom forbids me of getting into a relationship again, so there you go.. That's the condition I gave him. Whereas at first I also tried to hid it from my friends, but eventually.. I've got the guts and the courage to tell them. To flaunt it last Monday. Haha. :) For something "TOUGH" happened. I was sick that morning.. But I have to go to Albertus Magnus to meet a High School friend, same thing Mike texted me to meet him, but I was in a rush going to my friend, without me even noticing him.. I felt really affected by the message I've got from him around 8 or 9AM..

"Adrienne, di ka na nagtetext sakin. For example, kahapon, you never texted, pati kanina di ka ba nag-aalala sakin? Di mo ba naiisip yung nararamdaman ko kapag di ka man lang nagpaparamdam sakin? :( Tapos, di mo sinasagot yung tawag ko, oo. Baka busy ka, pero sana naman, sinabi mo sakin na napansin mo rin na tinatawagan kita. Para naman di ko maramdaman na di mo ko pinapansin. :( Tapos kagabi, kinukulit mo ko, nung gusto mong malaman yung gusto kong pag-usapan natin, sinabi ko naman sayo, pero nung tinanong kita.. Tungkol sa gusto mong sabihin, bigla mo nalang akong iniwan, bakit ganun? Yung gusto mo lang ang dapat masunod? Hay. Naiingit ako sayo, you can still act normal, habang ako, nahihibang na. Di ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Bakit naman ganun? Peor sana tungkol dun sa sinabi mo kagabi, hindi yung iniisip ko, ayoko ng ganun. You're not sure of things anymore? Ano ibig sabihin nun? But it seems as if it's inevitable, pero sana sabihin mo na sakin ngayon na mismo, para naman alam ko. Kahit ano pa yan, tatanggapin ko, yan ang nararamdaman mo e. I love you Adrienne, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Di ko kayang mawala ka."

OHMYGHAD. What the hell. I can no longer focus with my Literature class upon reading this, I went straight home and make pa-load to text him "Sorry" I have to see my High School friend. (Grabe. Ang manhid ko naman pala, ang inconsiderate ko. Di ko man lang naisip yung mararamdaman ng boyfriend ko. Oo nga pala, may boyfriend na nga pala ko. Bakit parang biglang nawala sa isip ko? Tse. Umandar ka na naman kasi, Adrienne. Mag-isip ka nga. Gumising ka nga. Akala ko ba nagmature ka na?) Then, I fell asleep, I took a power nap for my head's like killing me. 'Twas past 5PM, when he texted me. I can already feel this strange and sudden feeling of mine. (Judgment Day) Adrienne went out- Yea. She was wearing her pambahay. :P When I reached Plaza Mayor, honestly I was shocked. He was with his ex-girlfriend. Then how do you expect me to feel like upon seeing you together? Haha. Anyway, I told myself, it doesn't really matter. I'm used to this sitch, and who would actually thought "In love na pala talaga si Adrienne sa kanya.."

I didn't speak, I let him talk, and talk and talk. I just have to listen. I don't feel like explaining myself. This awkward feeling I got, "he's with her" Haha. (Naisip ko tuloy, sana pala may back up din ako.. Sana pala tinawag ko si JOSHUA LAZARO. :P) It hurts, he pushed me hard and shouted a lot of this hurtful thoughts a guy could actually say to a girl.. (Di mo nalang sabihin na slut ako, diba? Mas matutuwa pa ko. Nasa isip ko nalang nun, haha. Grabe. Pero, fuck shit talaga.. Nangingiti nalang ako sa sobrang pagkainis ko nun, ayoko nalang siyang sabayan.. I believe kasi na wala namang magandang mangyayari kapag inunahan mo ng galit e..) There you go, when he burst of his anger, he and his ex-girlfriend left me. :) (Wow. Ang saya kaya nun, imagine, first time na ngang may lalaking nang ganun sakin, iniwan pa ko.. What the fuck talaga.. Sabi ko nga, kung si JL nga na mas malala pa yung ginawa ko, walang kung ano man akong narinig mula sakanya, tapos siya to na ganun lang.. "Ay nakooo P*TA. Kapal ng mukha." Grabe. Sobrang pagkainis ko talaga nun. Nag-iisip pa naman ako, nagtatanong sa mga kaibigan ko kung ano bang dapat kong gawin, tapos ayon, biglang ganun.. The hell I care, it won't mark anymore. Thanks for a wonderful WEEK. :)

But then, it actually changed everything. I realized that I did something wrong, it was actually my fault, he was just provoked by me that's why he did those things. We talked the following day, then we're okay. We cried in front of each other. (Grabe, si Adrienne, umiyak sa harapan ng lalaki, first time. Epic. Tsk. Sabi mo di ba, di ka iiyak ng dahil lang sa isang lalaki? Pero bakit nagawa mo? Siguro mahal mo siya ng totoo noh?)

Hmm. "I think" I really love him, because if not.. I wouldn't tell my best friend that I have fallen for this guy already, I wouldn't cry for him, I wouldn't sacrifice my time and stay late at night just to talk to him, although we're already together til 9PM. It actually just break my heart, when I thought he feels it, the way I wanted him to feel my love for him.. Haay. So 'twas just not enough. (Sorry naman, for the nth time, sa mga lalaking naging parte ng nakaraan ko, alam nyo naman na di ako showy diba? Alam nyo naman na when you tell me "I LOVE YOU" Babarahin ko lang kayo ng WEH, at I HATE YOU TOO, diba? :)) Pero lahat kayo, sabi nyo.. Sweet akong maglambing at mag-alaga. Sana naman in a way or two, maramdaman nya rin yun.. Pero kung patuloy nalang nya kong aawayin, baka maprovoke din nya kong mag-iba. Sana naman wag. Wag muna, haha. Kasi ngayon ko lang yata naramdaman yung ganito e. Kahahanap ko kasi ng man of my dreams ko..

Pero di man nangyari yun, alam ko "SIYA" na yun. Kasi, nauntog na ko. Nakahanap na ko ng katapat ko. Ang galing nga e. Haha. =)) Mahal kita, sana naman alam mo yun, sana naman nararamdaman mo yun. At sana naman, iwasan mo na yung pagseselos mo.. Kasi naman. Kasi naman kasi e. Sabi ko nga sayo, di maiiwasan yun. Pero, sino ba ang PRESENT KO? DI BA IKAW? IKAW LANG NAMAN DI BA? Bakit kailangan mo pa silang idamay sa kung ano man ang meron tayo ngayon? Nakakainis lang kasi. PARANG DOUBTFUL e. SINABI NA NGANG MAHAL KO SIYA. AYAW PANG MANIWALA. :|

I Love You and I Will Tell You Everyday, Everyday until You Forget the Things That Hurt. I Hate the Things That Make You Hurt and How I... Wish I Could Take Them Away. If Only It Could Be Done, I'll Do It for Sure.