10:46PM
Hello Adulthood!
(Tuesday, 7:15am, Manila Doctors Hospital, 20 years ago, March 16, 1993)
One hour and twenty nine minutes, left before my special day ends. Before this once in a life time experience that I turn twenty. That I, again enter a new decade in my life; And hey, I am now two. Two decades old. Yet to those people who made this day possible for me to b an extra special and even more like a fairytale experience? Thank you so much. Thank you for remembering this special day of mine. And by that, congratulations! I know you, and I don’t hesitate that you still deserve a spot in my life for the remaining, next 364 days of this year. Thank you for making me feel loved and appreciated even more.
On a side note, for those people who failed to well, at least leave a note, and greet me? Still thank you, thank you for proving me that you won’t make it anymore, that you’re ending here, and that you’re providing a new space for another person to enter my life. Really, when one leaves, another comes. Same as, when one door closes, another opens. Indeed, thank you for giving me such a wonderful realization. Thus this is the happiest day of my 2013. Although, I failed to see my fellow block mates, they still make a way to greet me and never fail to make me feel special. (Though, some of them are taking their orals this afternoon). At least I have an assurance that I’m leaving my teenage years with a blast, and welcome my adulthood incredibly.
Few days before my twentieth birthday, I only asked God to gather my fambam all together, as a birthday present, just that. Nothing more, nothing less: I wasn’t really asking for a grandiose celebration or whatsoever, but God is extremely good. He is really good to me. Could you imagine He’s giving me more than what I’ve expected? All I asked was a simple gathering, but what He gave me’s too much. Not that I’m complaining. I was just too shocked. I never thought things would be so much in favor of me. Like, I couldn’t even ask for more. Well, maybe they’re right. I have everything now. I have everything that a normal dude could actually ask for. Thus, I’ve learned from the past few months, from my experiences that taught me how to be strong, and always keep my feet on the ground, no matter how successful I am. Thus I must continue living with a heart full of passion, that no matter how tough like could be, I’ll always give it a fearless fight.
For the past nineteen years of my existence, I would fearlessly admit that I lived it the hardest and the easiest way. Hard enough to control all my dispositions and dreams and easy enough to flaunt and fit with everyone else’s world. I may have all the material things around me in the span of nineteen years, but now as I aged 20, I could humbly say that “It’s not always about the price-tag. Rather, it’s about the experience, the memories invested.” It doesn’t matter whether a particular blessing or present is pricey; it’s about how I treat such blessing as a priceless one. Thus, I would always remember that in this world, “Only happiness is of free-charge. Everything else is for sale.” And by that, I know I can’t buy my own happiness, no matter how hard I try.
It is so hard to believe that I am saying all these things in a span of twenty years. Not so long, right? (I don’t know, for I’m feeling the other way around, I feel like I’m a late bloomer). A bit late for me to realize all these things; Good things are all immaterial. Just like today. I’ve proven myself that after twenty long years, I’m indeed a lucky individual. Provided by all the best goodies in the world and surrounded by the awesome people in the entire galaxy. Not that I’m boasting that I have all these things all together, I just want to acknowledge what I have. To thank God for giving me all these things, even though I didn’t asked Him too.
As for today, I realized that really, nothing’s permanent in this world. A year ago, I was with those people whom I thought, would still be able to be with me today. But now, I’ve proven myself wrong. Life is just temporal. Same with these people, these people whom I thought would never leave my side, but now? They’re gone. I don’t know what had happened. But SOME of them suddenly just disappear, without me knowing why; without them even informing me how and why. Yeah, I have to admit that it pains me to think about all those old good memories. But somehow, it taught me something I know could make me even better, that there’s always a reason for everything. I need not to ask them, they might have their own personal reasons why, but the thing is… I must be thankful. Still thankful for these people who remained in my life. That makes me feel loved. Extra loved. They may now be gone, but surely, someone else’s going to occupy those vacant positions they left in my life. I am willing and very much open for changes, and for those new people who’s going to enter and make some good mess with me in the next 364 days or so.
Today’s celebration may be completely different on how I celebrated it last year, still it doesn’t matter. Not so long ago, or maybe up until now I would always try to query myself, “Today is completely different from what had happened about a year ago.” In as much as I want to experience the same thing, it could never be done again, it may somehow resemble, but I couldn’t exactly duplicate what has already been done. It may radically affect me, but I know in myself that I shouldn’t feel lonely or disappointed if I didn’t get what I’m expecting, for maybe God has better plans for me. I just have to accept it the right way. It now depends on me on how I’m going to escalate a certain emotion to the level I want it to be. If I want to be miserable at best or the happiest, it is now my choice. It is just a matter of picking the good choice, or better yet the “best” choices in life.
I can say that I obviously feel the acceptance and special treatment of these people around me, in any matter or whatsoever, at least every day, especially by my friends and family. At least I have a few, but incredibly certain. They keep on reminding me that God has never forlorn me. He has His own reasons why He’s continuously showering me with too much of His blessings. In as much as I want to ask why and how, I would rather remain silent and just be thankful to Him. For I believe, this goes with the certainty that He is preparing me for something yet to come. Or He is molding me into someone I truly deserved. Every day, I would always want to pick the best choice for me, I may not be the best person to perform that choice, but I would always have this enthusiasm and fearless spirit to do what I want. Nothing must ever stop me from being insanely happy. It won’t dampen my spirits; at least I’m quite certain off.
Yesterday may be a mistake, a dump, a fall or a nightmare. But today I know that well and good it is going to be the complete opposite of the past. I’m now willing to let go of the past, those people who’ve hurt me and made me feel like I was just a nobody, today I can now replace those not so pleasing memories, they don’t deserve a memory slot in my brain anymore. I’m now ready to let go and move on of what had happened years ago, about a year ago, and of yesterday. Because today is a new beginning. It is not yet the end. This is just a new chapter of life that is about to begin.
Ten minutes after twelve o’clock. Just ten minutes after my special day, after that fairytale experience. I wasn’t so aware of the time, that I’m now writing overdue. That I already exceeded the time allotted for my special day. Game over. It is now over. Today is just another day. Another ordinary day that I have to face and deal with. Another 364 days to wait for my next special day. And I hope by that time, I can tell you new set of good memories and learning experiences from the past that would surely mold me to be the best person that I could be.
If only I have the power to enumerate everyone who were able to make this day possible? I’ll do it whole-heartedly. But since I am just a normal person, with these living limits and capacities, I can only offer a HUGE thank you and sorry. Thank you for remembering, you know guys who you are. If not for you, if not for your presence and love, I know I wouldn’t know how to start loving myself. From all those long posts and messages through Facebook, Twitter and SMS, plus phone calls and personal greetings: Oh my freakin’ gosh! Thank you. And sorry! I’m so sorry for all my shortcomings. I may be so stubborn at times, but I know I’m now changing into someone who knows how to give importance to everything. To everyone, no matter how hard it is for me. At least, I know how to adjust (Again, not that I’m complaining, just a tiny exploitation of deceiving information)
And as I end this long yet meaningful blog entry of mine, I would just like to feel nothing. I mean, to be stoic. Not to expect anything starting from now, for I know it won’t lead me anymore, it may then somehow misguide me or turn me into a monster, once I get hurt. So yeah, since I turned twenty, and had just resigned from being a teenager, I would love to learn how to be stoic. For I know it would be beneficial for me. I just want to protect myself from harm and, possible damages that life could give me. That people, especially the unexpected ones would inflict me. And at the same time, I would love to remind myself how happy I am, still. Without the company of a man: Yeah, seven months without a boyfriend, and I am still fuckin’ happy. Maybe, even happier. I never knew I could be this contented; this must really be a sign of aging.
PS: So yeah, finally. I’m now twenty. So… I must learn how to do household chores and learn how to commute, without being lost. (Poor me, when will I ever learn and graduate from this insanity?)
PPS: Good bye, teenage years. That means? I am now old. So… I must stop from being too selfish and too vain. Rather, I must learn how to be selfless, especially when it comes to my dear brothers.
No comments:
Post a Comment