My Parents' Love story

“Lasting relationships result from being the right person, not finding the right person.” –Susan Smith Jones

In its ontological status, Love is an accidental act, desiring the object. It is God’s love, and love equated to God. Hence, relationship follows. Thus, when we are in a relationship, no doubt, love is being involved. Considering that one of the greatest joys in life comes from them. Moreover, relationships also represent our great crosses that we carry in life. Yet, provides us with countless ways to grow and get to know ourselves better, spiritually and responsibly. Furthermore, it does not come to call, any of an individual to partake a leap of a relationship. What does it really take to be in a relationship? This has been something that I’ve been pondering on, not so long ago. Until, I realized that I have my Mom and Dad. They would always tell me, since I was in my secondary years of education, just when I started having relationships. They didn’t forbid me, for they thought I might be a rebel. They just gave me constant reminders on how to be a “real woman,” come to the present time.

“Relationships only work with commitment. So, always be committed with everything you do, May it be with the opposite sex, or your academic duties and responsibilities.” I consider myself lucky, for my parents trust me so much, they were somehow loose, to permit do the things I want, in moderation, and of course with permission. Thus, only then I realized that I have completely consummated parents, which stretch to me what it is to be committed. It’s as if talking to the both of them, about “love” is a “normal cup of coffee to share.” It is something relaxing, no barrier. No awkwardness. Maybe because, we’re just too closed to each other, for we act like brothers and sisters. Yet, I respect them as my cool parents. They are two distinct individuals from heaven, formed to be husband and wife; and merely turned into a lovely couple bounded by their great love for each other, and as a proof of such as unconditional love they offered for each other, they both have— us, their children as the fruits of their joy and bountiful love shared together for twenty three long years in this sacred sacrament called “matrimony”, further exchanged eternal vows when they decided to get married and live together in the harmony of marriage.

Twenty three years ago, September 28, 1990. A man who possesses a pair of chinky eyes, fair in complexion, stands 5’7 in height, get married to woman blessed with a beautiful face, coupled with an adorable smile, whose skin complexion is as white as snow, and with glaring charm. Their once in upon a time, fairy tale like story was witnessed by closed relatives and friends at Malate church, Manila. It was sweet and amazing, it’s as if I was reading a love story, when I heard the “real” story behind how this man, and woman decided to get married. Their story started quite cheesy and unusual. But it was too romantic. For three months, the woman receives a stem of a blue rose, every day of every morning of her office work. She’d always wonder where it came from, and more who’s giving those to her. Hence, there always a sweet noting attached to the stem, and at the bottom of it there’s a watermark “Sincerely admiring you, Mr. Aquarius.” It continuously happened, for three months, straight. Without missing a day, the woman gets too curious as well, as she’s really bothered to whom the man is, and that those sweet noting make her want to meet the man in person. And know his intentions to her. Thus, as each leaf of the calendar tears, until one day. Down from the ground floor, to the tenth floor of De La Salle Seiko building where both of them works; a tremendous earthquake frightened everyone. They were all in chaos. The magnitude was high, and too dangerous. Hence, the man acted upon. He became the knight and sharing armor of the woman. He climbed up from the ground floor, hurrying to the tenth floor to look for, and save the woman. From that event on, they knew each other officially. The woman entertained the man completely as her suitor. (According to the woman, it’s as if she felt and realized how important she was for the man, hence there is much genuine love that the man is willing to offer to her). They become friends, and then close friends. Later on boyfriend and girlfriend—it was really epic. I never knew they started like this, which they didn’t start as something like the ordinary couples started. Theirs is one of a kind, one in a million. And yes, I’m talking about the man, as my Dad, and the woman as my Mom.

“Each time you stop loving, a part of you dies. Each time you choose to love again, to reach out, to reconnect, and to feel– you come alive.” This statement I lifted from the excerpt “Choose to Live Peacefully” by Susan Smith Jones, I felt exuberant, and even overwhelmed that while holding this book, one summer night outside our veranda Mom suddenly approaches me, asked me about how I was doing in my studies, and then later on, asked me about the condition of my heart. Hence, I started crying, and ranting about me being too selfish about my relationships, they all turned about to be failures, yet no one’s to blame but me. Just because I keep on pushing people away, thinking that I love them just the most. I just thought doing so, would stop me from hurting. Hence, she also started talking about how she got her first heartbreak, her first relationship, her first “real” relationship, and to my surprise, without asking her how, and why, she narrated to me every single detail of her love for Daddy was. How these two love birds fell for each other. How Dad stole her heart, and makes it skip a beat. It was like a fantasy to me, all I thought was, something ordinary. Something chick flick, but it was heroic. I, somehow envy how they fell for each other, how Dad courted Mom, how much love they have for each other, as to how they decided to get married. They just said, they technically didn’t plan it. “They just felt it.” They were not each other’s “firsts” but what matters is they were each other’s “lasts”. And I think it’s what’s more important in all types of relationships. It was sweet, it was heaven, and magical.

Indeed, entering relationship isn’t a simple joke. It is a commitment that requires unconditional love and understanding for each other. It is about being with the person you wouldn’t and couldn’t live without; not the person you would and could live with. J With the banquet of love, and friendship they had, and have for each other, keeps the fire burning. There will come a time that it won’t produce much of a flame anymore, but what’s certain is the kind of “materials” used to build a strong “foundation” for the marriage. I am a proud daughter of my Dad, Andy, and my Mom Hope. I just want to let the whole world know how proud I am, and will be for having them as my parents. Thus, I just realized that real relationships, practices different kinds of love in connection to being a real human; that is to have a soul, and a child of God. Nevertheless, it is said that we must absorb a higher image of who we are, with this certain awareness that you are a spiritual being, you no longer relate to yourself as a creature whose satisfaction comes solely from physical pleasures. Now, in order to see ourselves in all, we must become detached from our own ego. Thus, in order to experience pleasure, we must learn how to suffer, and by means of suffering, we liberate our souls. “You must practice detachment if you want to create loving, harmonious relationships.” With this, a spiritually detached person will not let a relationship degenerate to stimulus and response. Meaning, it has a double effect. Relationships are merely the mirrors of us. They reflect different aspects of our lives.