I'm Speechless as a Dork

August 10, 2012

I'm speechless as a dork.

I know, you're truly madly deeply cursing me. But I'm really sorry. I know it won't matter to you, but I swear I'll shut up. Damn, consequences. Okay, from now on.. I'll learn the language of shutting up. I broke a promise, I broke a secret. I broke my friend's trust in me. I know I'm at fault and it's making me one fucking guilty as charged of everything.

I'm sorry, really sorry. I never knew this will lead to such hard thing. But, I can't stand it. I can't see the both of us being this far. Being this distant towards each other. You cursing me, you being so mad at me. It doesn't just scares me.. But it's starting to kill me. I was unstable back then, I know there were and there are still times that I can't control my tongue, how I wish this tongue of mine vanishes soon.. So that, I won't accidentally or unconsciously say things I shouldn't say or spill. I wasn't that aware, not even responsible for what's coming out in me. I'm terrifying guilty. As much as I want to say sorry, as much as I want to talk to you.. I know, you won't listen to me.

It's pointless.. Cause your heart's full of hatred and grudges. I forgot, you're this type of person who forgets uneasily. Who forgives badly. And I am one unlucky person of committing the same mistake a friend of mine did. Does it already ruined our friendship? Really. For I felt like, I already broke it. Silent treatment's continuously reminding me how fragile you are, how talkative I was and I am. I just wish I'll learn how to keep secrets. Dark secrets, I haven't changed.. Yet. Until now, I kept on saying that I've already changed, but seems like.. Time hasn't come, yet.

I'll let the time heal all wounds. I'll wait for the right moment that you'll be talking to me again, that you'll learn to recognize my presence again. Sorry for losing you. I'm sincerely sorry. Hope you'll still learn to forgive me. I just hope it's soon. I'm willing to do anything, just forgive me. Think everything you want, I am bad, I am immature, I am selfish. Everything. But there's one thing I know you don't know.. I became a true friend, I just don't want everything to slip away. I know, by that one mistake it may ruin everything. But all I'm asking is just a fair chance. Just a fair chance.