I just can't hide this feeling anymore. It's past 2AM, yet am still here, seating in front of my computer, thinking of you. Thinking how could I make things right again for the both of us. (Maybe I can only be good in telling all these things here, cause I know, Blogspot can't speak for herself, that there isn't any other people living here on Earth whom I get to share all these stuffs, actually, all these secrets that boggles my mind.) And maybe what people thinks is different from what I am actually thinking, for an instance, they maybe thinking that am really happy, but didn't they know that inside, am hurting and bleeding? :) I know am a good pretender, I can fake my smiles so that they won't see this despair in me, but I don't think that my eyes could actually lie, "Yes, I told you, I ain't crying.. Teary eyed lang ako, nahihikab kasi ako.." Really, I don't know how to express myself, maybe half meant it's true, but the fact that am dying inside can no longer resist. Anyway, I am eighteen. I must be independent by nature, as what people expects from me, but still, I guess, nothing has changed. I am still THEIR Baby Girl. :) It's Summer, and I am loving this treatment. I have all the freedom, the FREEDOM TO SLEEP and FACE MY COMPUTER 24/7 :) This is actually what I call life, real life. :) Though I don't think it's fulfilling and productive, that until now, I don't know any household chores, that I ain't practicing myself yet for these things. Goddammit. When will I learn to do these things? Oh well, I am getting quite far already to what my heart really feels. :| It keeps on telling me.. She's missing YOU. Yes, she's missing you, no doubt. You're the only one she thinks of. The very first thing she wants to see every morning of her summer, when she opens her eyes, is that, your sweet long messages, telling her how much you love her. And at the same time, right every single, lonely and quite dark nights of her sanctuary, is your message too, telling the same things to her, as much as she wants to hear your voice too, expressing your deepest agape. Dude, wake up, she's not yet over you. Cause deep inside her, all she thinks of is you. Nothing and no one else, but you. :)
And I promise that I'll never get tired of loving you, I'll never get confused of what I truly feel for you, cause in return I know it's true. You feel the same way for me. That once these two hearts that beat as one, but I couldn't just imagine how these people's desires wanted to separate us and break us even, falling into somebody else's arms, don't they even think we're meant to be? (Na kahit na ipagtulakan ka ng buong mundo palayo sakin, ikaw lang talaga.. Ikaw parin talaga yung hinahanap ng puso ko..) It hurts me to pieces to bits. (Mahal kita, pero ang sakit sakit na. Ano ba kasing ayaw nila sayo para sa kin? Yun ba yung, hindi daw tayo bagay?) Then, the hell I care, I believe this is magical, it's my first time to feel this way for a guy.. Something on it has it's own depth. Not to compare about my previous relationships, it's just about the thought of having a boyfriend, having them chase me.. (Hanggang sa mapagod sila, I'll let them hope, worse that am giving false hopes on them..) And at the end of it all, I am just playing around, toying them. Cause I know it's a lot lot fun, playing with boys. :) But am so sorry, somebody has changed. I believe she's not like that anymore, she's now a grown up. (Grabe, I promised my friends na di na ko ulit mang tu-two time. :) And yea, nagawa ko nga yun..) I just have to make a choice, not breaking the hearts of the both of them.. But BREAKING MY OWN HEART. :|
Well, I don't think am saying things right here anymore. I am causing too much pain on me, these things I shouldn't be given much of time, thinking over and over again. Really, I hate these moments, right before I go to sleep, when I am forced to think about all the things that I tried so hard to forget.. And still, and the end of it all, AM STILL HURT. :|
--Masyado na naman akong nagiging Emo. :|
+IT IS BY LOVING AND NOT BY BEING LOVED THAT ONE CAN COME NEAREST TO THE SOUL OF ANOTHER+
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