Ohh, ohh. Bakit nag-react ka? Affected? Hmm.
Anon: Hey.
Me: Yes?
Anon: Can I ask you a random question?
Me: Sure.
Anon: Anong gagawin mo kapag nanligaw ako kay insert-name-here?
Me: Why? (confused)
Seriously, why do you have to be this random, right after me sending that quoted message above to your inbox. Why? Why do you have to ask me? =.= How'd you expect me to react then? You're being too off and disrespectful, by the way.
This the catch phrase last night, ugh, I don't know. I'm really confused. Srsly, nadudurog na yata yung puso ko, I can't understand him na kasi, he's very hard to read, so challenging. Hard to read, hard to love, yet.. Still very interesting. Kahit gaano ka pa niya saktan, at the end of the day, mahal/gusto mo parin siya. At eto yung sobrang nakakainis. I don't know how to handle him anymore, I don't have the enough courage naman to ask him kung "Ano na ba talaga 'to?" He's this mysterious guy, very mysterious and very mushroom. Idk, very inconsistent. I don't even know what's the real score na ba talaga, if he's really into me nga ba talaga, or may mga times lang na trip niya ako?
Ugh, I swear. Kung ikaw man 'tong nasa situation ko, sobrang mahihirapan ka. Damn, I won't cry over him, I mean, over what he did naman last night if it's not hurting me, or kung di ako affected talaga e, but the thing is.. I did. I was damn affected, unconsciously, I got the answer from him, by him replying to that quoted message above. Yet, he hurt me rin naman at the same time sa naging usapan namin last night. In totality, it's really heartbreaking. Wala naman kasing 'kami', wala akong nakukuhang assurance. Pero, yung mga pinapakita niya sakin.. "Nasa walking phase na ulit kami e". "We're getting there". AGAIN. :(
Ugh, di ako nag-aasume. Pero, sobrang naiinis ako. Why does he have to all these things towards me, like act so sweet, tapos, biglang mawawala, tapos maya maya, babalik na naman? My gosh. Ano ba kasi talagang gusto mong mangyari? Sobrang nahihirapan na kaya ako. Seriously. Will I still hold on? May pinanghahawakan ba ako, or makikipag date nalang ulit ako sa iba? I just hate this feeling, kakagaling ko lang sa breakup, sa heartache, ayoko namang matake for granted, I mean.. Di naman sa nagmamadali ako, wala pa ngang 3 months e. Well, to be exact, I am like, technically Single na today. 28 ngayon di ba? 28 din kami. Oo, twenty-eight. Bitch, please? Nakakainis. Bakit ba hanggang ngayon? Tatlong taon.
Yes, it has been 3 years.. Since then. But, why? Why up until now, may space ka parin sa puso ko? Di parin kita makalimutan, sobrang gustong gusto parin kitang makasama, yung presence mo, lagi kong hinahanap hanap, nakamoved on na kasi ako dati e, tapos bigla ka na namang bumalik, at naging mas sweet pa. Pinapaasa mo naman yung puso ko e, akala ko ba, aalagaan mo ulit ako? Akala ko ba? Ano ba. Sobrang hapdi kaya. Nahihirapan naman ako noh. Sana lang talaga, aware ka sa nararamdaman ko. Wag ka namang manhid o. Wag nang maging masyadong mystery yung pagkatao mo sakin, nagawa mo na namang mag-open up di ba? We're getting there na nga e. Ngayon, nasaan ka na naman? AYOKO NANG GANITO. ALAM MO NAMAN YAN DI BA?
Di ka nalang sana nag-react nung nag send ako ng ganung klaseng message, I mean, oo alam kong affected ka, oo, alam ko ding nasaktan kita, pero parang mas nasaktan naman yata ako dun sa tanong mo sakin? Ano ba ha, naglolokohan lang ba tayo dito? Kung gusto mo talaga ako, sana consistent ka di ba? Hindi yung pasulpot sulpot lang.. Napapagod din naman akong maghintay sa tunay mong 'intention' sa akin. Gusto ko, yung clear and distinct. Ayoko namang patagalin pa 'to. Na, sobrang puzzled out and mystery sa akin kung ano na ba talaga tong meron sa ating dalawa. Kung nasasaktan man kita, kung naiinip man ako, sana maintindihan mong, 'I deserve to be treated right'.
"Your image is at stake, beware. You're slightly loosing what you 'might' and 'almost' have. Oh my rude boy, rude boy". Bitch, seriously. Sa totoo lang, I've got tons of ideas on my mind right now. Sobrang di ko alam. Do I have to ask him? Do I have the enough courage to ask him? :( Uhh, ayoko na talaga ng ganito. Come what may na nga lang o. Di naman ako nagmamadaling makipag relasyon e. Sobrang natatakot kaya akong makipagrelasyon ulit. Pero kasi naman, kung 'TAYO' nga ba talaga para sa isa't isa, sana naman this time, maging 'maayos' na. Tama na yung pride nating dalawa di ba? :( Di ko kayang ibaba yung sakin e. Alam kong di mo rin kayang ibaba sayo, e paano na tayo magmemeet halfway niyan? :( To go, or not to go? To continue or to immediately stop?
This is such an open-ended sitch. Still hanging, forever hanging. For now, I am giving a time frame for the both of us. I'll wait til this whole summer, if nothing happens, then I'll quit. If he's gonna do something that's favorable of me, then.. I'll give him another chance. Well, for now, I should keep quiet, I'll distant myself from him, I won't talk nor make a move to meet him halfway. I'll just stay right here. Waiting. Patiently waiting. I hope this summer season's enough for me to know the answer, then after this, I really have to quit, if nothing really happens. :) I'll accept it though. Even though I ain't completely ready yet, I'll respect and try to slowly accept the truth of his decision, even though I know, he has no concrete decision. (as always)
-Sobrang hirap mong mahalin, sobrang deadly. Sobrang nasasaktan ako, kahit sa simpleng pamamaraan lang. Di pa nga tayo e, wala pa nga tayo dun (ulit) o. Pero, bakit ganito na kagad kasakit? Ughh. Pero, kahit anong mangyari, mas nadadagdagan yung urge kong MAS mahalin ka parin every day e. Nachachallenge kasi akong mahalin ka. Alamin kung gaano ka ba talaga ka mysterious. :( Hayyy. Sana malapit na.
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